Simply Clare's simple thoughts

Loving the Bank Holiday

2008-05-05T19:34:00.003Z

Oh I love the first May Bank Holiday. Every year it bounces into your life - just after Easter, and just before the half term holiday. This is truly the star in my Bank Holiday calendar. You can still just about park in the car parks... you don't have to plan anything major... you can weed guiltlessly in the garden... you can stay in on Sunday night and watch late movies... all marvellous stuff. Here are my boys today... throwing pebbles and collecting shells. Groovy!

10.30 am in Dr Blah Blah's room

2008-04-11T11:51:00.003Z

Dr: That really is a very nasty rattle. There is a horrid bacterial infection around at the moment that is hitting even young people (does that mean me?) quite badly at the moment. I am just going to give you antibiotics straight away and want to see you early next week if there isn't a distinct improvement.

SC: Cough... Shall I just ring on Tuesday if there is no change?........

Dr: Yes, please do!

Social comment: HOORAY I am vindicated. Had spent the whole of last night feeling so guilty about defying the system and preventing some probably genuinely poorly system-follower from seeing Dr Blah Blah at 10.30. I feel so good now.

Actually that is a lie. I cried in the car on the way home because I was so relieved that I was actually ill. Does anyone else do this. What on earth is going on that you spend twelve days being ill before you pluck up courage to phone the Dr. Then you have to fight to get to see one, and then you are grateful that you are ill enough to need a strong dose of amoxycillin?

I will stop going on about this now. I am boring even myself.

Hello...5.30 pm today... Please can I have an appointment with a Doctor tomorrow?

2008-04-10T17:54:00.004Z

R: No, I am sorry, there are only emergency appointments now for tomorrow.

SC: I am sorry to be persistent, but I would really like to see a Dr before the weekend.

R: Well, can I suggest that you phone at 8.30 am tomorrow to book an emergency appointment?

SC: No you can't.

R: Pardon?
SC: No, you can't suggest that I phone at 8.30am.

R: Well I am sorry but we can't book any appointments now until lines open at 8.30.

SC: I have two children under 5 and need to plan for tomorrow. I have tried to book an appointment five times today, since this morning, and have been cut off while holding four times. I have had what I think is a chest infection for eleven days and would like to see a Dr before the weekend please.

R: Well we aren't allowed to give away emergency appointments.

SC: Would it be possible to speak to a Dr to see if they can help me over the phone?

R: Oh yes, well alright. (request for name telephone no. etc). I will ask the duty Dr to phone you tomorrow.

SC: I wondered if there might be a Dr available to speak to this evening?

R: Oh, yes, ermmm.. ok. I will ask our locum to phone you.

SC: Thank you.

30 minutes later... ring ring....

Formalities then

SC: Hello, thank you for phoning... I have had a horrid cough for eleven days and blah blah blah

Dr: Ok, I can't rule out a chest infection from what you have told me, I am afraid. Could you possibly pop in tomorrow to see one of us?

SC: I think I will be able to do that, yes. (Slight sarcasm in voice - trying desperately hard to hide it though)

Dr: Do you mind holding on while I make you an appointment?

SC: No that will be fine.

Dr: Could you come in at 10.30 tomorrow please to see Dr Blah Blah.

SC. Thank you. That will be great. See you tomorrow.

I ASK YOU!!!! A poor knackered locum gp making appointments for a pain-in-the-backside patient (client probably) at 6.00pm because the system is so ridiculously inflexible that the receptionist is powerless to make any suggestions or even be helpful. I can be pretty forceful and usually manage to achieve what I need to happen, but what about less strident patients (clients). How on earth can this be a workable system?

I told the UC. then I told you. Now I feel better.

Here is a happy snowy shot:

Way back in August 2005...

2008-04-06T21:08:00.005Z

I posted about Lemon Surprise pudding. Today I returned to that post, prompted by a memory of a very helpful comment that I hadn't responded to... and when I got there, MY oh MY!!!! What a surprise I had. There were 14 comments from all over the LSP-making world! In fact, there was a whole kind of conversation thing going on about unpleasant egg and custard experiences. So it appears that if you search for LSP, you find this series of comments. I feel so proud - and just a little responsible for moving the discussion on - even though I didn't actually know about it. I will sleep happy tonight... I might even give it another go. However, today I have another culinary problem. I have made two Victoria sponges that turned out like biscuits. They always do when I make them. I have tried Nigella and Mary Berry. Is it because I do them in the food processor dyathink? Tomorrow we will eat them anyway, because there is a little birthday going on here. Cool!

Changing the subject... it snowed here today. Snow without skis. Bummer. However, it was very wierd snow. Kind of like polystyrene. It squeaked when you made a snowball. Also, in the middle of the sudden snowstorm, there was a tremendous clap of thunder. Most bizarre. This afternoon the sun shined (shone?) and we went swimming. Then it snowed again. What a funny old day.

Saturday morning sport and all that...

2008-04-02T16:44:00.006Z

It has happened. Having resisted the UCs attempts to involve himself in Saturday sport for nearly 20 years (the armchair kind for most of those you will understand - apart from the Iron Man), I am now finding myself, on a Saturday, at the edge of a pitch, in the rain, dreaming of bacon sandwiches. Luckily I can do bacon sandwiches.

Anyway, they start them young here. The under-fives football tournament was tremendously well attended, mainly by under fives. There were lots of accompanying parents too. They can be categorised as follows: mums and dads. They were quite different in their behaviour. Mums were generally allowed to shepherd younger siblings and chat a bit to other mums. Dads didn't really do these things. I had heard about competitive dads, but hadn't seen them in action before. They were very funny indeed. My favourite type were the competitive dads who tried to pretend they were not competitive. I like the way that these dads chat in a cool kind of way to other dads, looking furtively at the pitch until the ball goes near their child. Then they scream at the top of their voices "Goooooooooonnnn gettttttttttiiiiiiiitttttttttt" or something like that. At this point their child is so scared that they stop dead in their tracks while a savvy thee year old picks up the ball and runs away with it. Then the dad turns back and continues his conversation as if nothing has happened. It really is entertaining. Next time I am going to watch very closely and attempt to categorise football dads further. On a different note entirely, I have read about some interesting categories in the news today: alpha socialisers, attention seekers, followers, faithfuls and functionals. You will all know what I am talking about. Now I am not one to be critical, but I am not convinced that these categories are exhaustive or very subtle.... (I really love the socio-economic grouping statements). I can't fit myself in very easily.... apart from being an attention seeking C1C2D mother of course. This is all rather too structured for my liking - in a context where surely structures such as age, gender and socio-economic banding are being subverted and played with in all kinds of ways. I am going to mull this over next time I stand on the edge of the football pitch in my wellies. It will take my mind off the bacon.

What's hot and what's not!

2008-03-28T20:58:00.010Z

Have you seen this Goldfrapp video? I am loving it. Kind of a cross between the Dad's Army credits, the Wicker man and Rupert Bear's worst nightmare in the woods with that scary tree man 'sticky' (I think - or did I dream up 'sticky'? Anything seems possible these days).

Ahhh bear with me... I have found the stick man - he was called Raggerty apparently. I was terrified of him way back then. Here he is now. Quite cute actually... what's not to like? Funny how time changes everything.

In terms of the screen of fabulousness, I am also still loving Skins, ER and America's next top model. New to me - and recommended by my mum is Gavin and Stacey. I was a bit sniffy for some reason, but became hooked instantly. I also have to admit being tempted back to Walford to check out Rikki and Bianca's return next week - although I haven't actually watched Eastenders since the 1980s. Finally, joy to us all, Sir Alan is back on a Thursday night. In Exeter, we do like to make a special occasion of every episode, particularly as last year's runner-up (the delightful Katie) lives just around the corner. A special occasion these days involves opening wine that is not from Lidl with our lovely friends Barbarabara the poetess and her smashing husband Julian. in front of the telly. Classy I know.

Today I have been to Bristol. I looked at shoes in shoe shops and am very worried that they are really not for me this year. The only polite way to describe them is as prostitute platforms. Here is an example:I am only 5 feet 2 and cannot possibly wear such things. Not because I can't balance - it is more a question of proportion you see. What am I going to do? Advice please.

I've been on my site meter...

2008-03-23T21:17:00.004Z

and it appears that I have an audience again. Welcome to you one and all. I hope that you are enjoying the view. It is Easter Sunday - and what a different sort of Easter Sunday it has been. We were in the garden at 6.40 am looking for the Easter bunny's eggs - and of course we found plenty, because the Easter Bunny had managed to make it outside at 6.15 am. I am not the Easter Bunny by the way. That is now officially the UCs job. Actually, it turns out that the UC has a lot of jobs. I realised this when he was away for the week. During this time I had to ask my neighbour to change the bathroom and kitchen lightbulbs; my mum had to come and do he ironing; Richard had to nail the sofa back together; and the compost bin in the kitchen remained empty (I didn't dare to fill it) because I can't empty it into the big compost bin because the wriggly worms that are screaming ESCAPE every time you open the lid TERRIFY me really badly. I am not scared of many things, but writhing masses of wriggly worms trying to beat you out of the compost bin are the absolute limit.

I also had to clean the dishwashing machine thing's filter and change the cat litter tray... and feed the cats and make my own tea in the morning. SO I am beginning to understand about men's jobs now - and to be frank men, you can keep them. My jobs are much nicer - and more challenging. Drying my hair for example - that's a job that I have to do every morning. Moisturising - that takes time, and is essential. Putting in my contact lenses... keeping in touch with friends on the telephone... these are just a few of the jobs I do on a daily basis. We are just all so busy aren't we, and as I am now in a new decade, I guess that the jobs of self-maintenance and communication will only multiply.

Anyway, the only antidote to all these jobs is to take a skiing holiday so it turns out. On a skiing holiday there seems to be less jobs to do. Having less jobs to do means that you can relax more. Here are some chums relaxing:The chum on the left is actually my wonderful B-I-Law. We call him John Wayne. He is terribly fast on skis, but only when wearing a helmet. Work out why and you will win a prize. The chum in the middle is nervous about his digital footprint, so he shall remain nameless. As you can see, he enjoys skiing for all the right reasons. Rachel is on the right. She doesn't know about my blog, and I hope doesn't mind being featured here. Here am I relaxing from jobs. As you can see, hair is of no concern whatsoever - although moisturising remains a daily chore.

Anyway... time to end. Thank you for reading!

Loving that white stuff

2008-03-11T19:54:00.005Z

Well I have recovered from my email faux pas sufficiently to spend a few moments reflecting on my week in Megeve. Here are some action shots taken by a rather charming photography chap. As you can see, I aim for a look of understated sophistication and style on the slopes. TPT I am not... although I agree with her views on Graham Bell.

Some thoughts:
What a completely shocking technique... but with a smile on my face...
This is significantly better. It is always good to have your skis going in the same direction in moguls... Ride 'em cowboy!

A little tentative here... some unusual pole action going on...
I am still absolutely loving my helmet. The Ali G Oakley goggles are very desirable, but not entirely flattering to the paler complexion.Still needing to sort out those arms... although they were tired from lifting the phenomenal amount of cash that it cost to buy a round of drinks in the Jazz bar.

Anyway, today the UC left for Grenoble and his jaunt into all things ski. I am home almost alone, with just r2d2 and c3po for company. r2d2 is suffering from having needles last week. Needles are pre-school booster injections in both arms. Not at all nice when your arms are little and the needles are big. Anyway, we are back to counting big sleeps. To keep me going, I am going to watch skins, madmen, er, america's next top model and more america's next top model. I love it. Am also trying to work out how to begin exercising again. I am going to research dance DVDs. Any recommendations?

Oh my goodness... HELP!!!!

2008-03-06T22:10:00.003Z

I have sent an entirely inappropriate email to the wrong person tonight. The flush of adrenalin as I saw it go and realised what I had done was fairly intense.... Anyway, the person it wrongly winged its way to does not work fridays, so PLEASE tell me how to recall it!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME NOW. I am relying on you being out there.

Anyway, have decided that our boys resemble two famous robots. If you have met them, you will know what I mean.

Back in one piece

2008-03-04T21:00:00.002Z

Had an absolutely fab time in Megeve. Relived many moments from my 20s - including dancing like a phantom in a variety of spots until the wee hours, which is apparently the only way to do it in Megeve http://skisnowboardeurope.com/megeve/nightlife.html, and ice skating Torville and Dean style (no skates required). No photos to share yet as didn't take a camera. Skiing was cool - except I have forfeited speed for style. Never mind - who can have too much of that! Struggling to leave this post without a shot of something, so have included my inspirations.

Six big sleeps left and counting

2008-02-17T20:59:00.003Z

In our house time now passes in big sleeps. Unfortunately these sleeps are not always as big as we would like. Anyway. This weekend I have worked really really hard and am almost feeling like I deserve to go away and leave the male faction home alone. Thank you for your encouragement ladies.

This is the first holiday where I haven't planned my outfits and listed what I am going to take as I don't care. This is surprising me. I am definitely not depressed - just feeling like it will all be ok and I don't need to worry about anything. The last time I felt like this, I was experiencing the wonderful effects of morphine (in hospital you will understand). This is a strange state. I can only put it down to being all planned-out in every other aspect of my life.

Anyway, have included a cute photo for your delight.

Will be back sometime soon.

Four and a half weeks and counting

2008-01-22T19:43:00.000Z

I have been rather busy for the past six months, so guess what... Daddy Gadget has said that I can go skiing with my fabulous little (big) sister to the wondrous and rather exclusive French resort of Megeve. Now I am feeling rather peculiar about leaving my nearest and dearest for a whole week of indulgence while my home is turned into a pure house of trouser, but suffer I must, so this is the countdown. At the moment there is snow, so fingers crossed for the end of February.
On a scale of 1-10, my guilt rating is about 4 today. Am hoping that the UC will book himself a little trip somewhere too.

My new life

2008-01-04T14:42:00.001Z

Christmas day 2007 spent with shiny bikes and rosy cheeks! Have never been to bed so early on Christmas day! Hope you had a great time too. All the best for 2008.

It was the garage door...

2007-10-17T18:27:00.000Z

... and I am sorry to say that I am now ten percent less handy than I was - but at least I didn't need an operation, which I was threatened with. Well done guessers - and thanks for the interest... I don't really deserve it!

Anyway... what do you all do on hallowe'en? I have previously done nothing... but this year I have really pushed the boat out. I have purchased two pumpkins and two masks from Tesco (13p each!) and hallowe'en tinsel and a hallowe'en treat bag. What I need help with is how to do the carving and hollowing business - especially as I am now ten percent less handy than I was.

Vic and Brook terrified me one year by explaining that their pumpkin was based on Ozzy Osbourne. I had no idea that this much thought and design was required. So my questions for this week are:

How do you carve a pumpkin and;

What will yours look like?

I am thinking about returning

2007-10-07T13:39:00.001Z

Nearly six months since my last post... and I have been a little busy. However, I am beginning to feel that I need to re-awaken my dulled digital tendencies. Not quite sure what to write about though, so this will have to do for now.
Oh! some news that I can share is that I have turned 40... and I quite like it. And I have lost half a stone and I definitely like that. And I have started going to bed at 10pm and waking at 5.45am which I haven't done since I had a paper round in the 1970s. I haven't got a paper-round though because papers are so much heavier than in the old days with all those supplements and advertising pamphlets. Mind you, a paper round, with all its weight-bearing elements might keep nasty osteoporosis at bay, which I am obviously much more likely to get now that I am in my 41st year.
Did you know that I broke my fifth metacarpel in three places recently? That wasn't due to osteoporosis I can tell you. Would you like to guess how I did it? Was it by...
a) beating a Nigella cake mix too hard with a new and unforgiving wooden spoon
b) banging the side of my hand on the table in triumph when I eventually finished writing a chapter
c) thrashing the garage door-frame by accident as I tried to throw a plastic bag containing some small personal items at the ultimate consumer who had called me disorganised?

I will let you decide

Things are getting better!

2007-03-24T12:06:00.000Z

Do things get worse before they get better? This is worse... The beer isn't mine. This is our shared dining room table office. The blanket is for extra warmth when the doors are open.

But this is better...Our new wee attic room ensuite... It doesn't seem to leak and it is tall enough for me and the UC (not at the same time).

Anyway, if things get worse before they get better, what happens when they get better? Do they get worse again?

I don't like the word worse. I like the word worst much better better. Three words muddle me up: worse, sculptor and nine: Worse never sounds finished; I always call sculptors sculptures; and if I have to write nine, I panic about the n - "is it a 9 or a n"? Luckily, I am of an optimistic disposition and rubbish at modelling with any sort of material. So 9othing to worry about.

This is a panda, Dangerous Dave.....

2007-03-22T14:36:00.000Z

... in case you were muddled. By the way, guess where the UC and I are going soon?

Minnie is fed up with the attic conversion

2007-03-20T20:02:00.000Z

She likes rolling in the dust though. She can change into a panda.

Sometimes things get worse before they get better...

2007-03-11T13:35:00.000Z

Once, while on holiday in Lanzarote, I experienced a Saharan sand storm.

Today in my house, that same sand storm has appeared.

And it is a Sunday.

This has occured because the UC has decided to help the builders (who are VERY clean and tidy) by taking all the plaster off the bathroom walls.

The UC hasn't mastered the samel level of clean and tidy as the clean and tidy builders. He has been banging away for 5 hours now. I want it to stop. I want to run my hands over a surface that isn't gritty. He is unstoppable. Sometimes the UC upsets my nerves. This is happening now.

Life in a time of bacofoil

2007-03-01T20:03:00.000Z

Ok, so it is week three and we are being insulated ready for basting. Here you will see our slimline bacofoil. This is to create maximum headroom. Essential for the UC and me.

A pome for world read a lot day

Here is Steve

Steve works hard

See Steve work

Steve likes to drill.

See his drill

Brmmmmm Brmmmmm Brmmmmmm

Steve has a hammer

Steve hits hard

Bang! bang! bang!

Steve has a nail gun

Steve shoots hard

Pop! Pop! Pop!

Steve likes his hammer

Steve likes his drill

Steve likes his nail gun

Brmmmmm bang pop! brmmmmmm bang pop!

We like Steve

Steve works hard

Steve starts at 8am and stops at 5pm

Steve is marvellous

We like 5pm

We like wine

We drink wine

We drink lots

Glug glug glug!

We sleep tight

in the creaking house

that blows in the wind

We don't like wind

Looking a little bit chubby but....

2007-02-25T20:12:00.000Z

Ok, so here are the latest shots. To achieve these, I had to scale the 35ft ladder all the way up the scaffold without being tied on. Not like the via ferrata which is for woosies obviously. ANYWAY.... I got into trub from Lee the master builder man next door who said I did it wrong on two counts. 1 I held the steps instead of the rails. 2. I shouldn't have had a gingernut in my right hand because apparently you should have three points of contact at all times. WHATEVER!

On another note... I am maintaining my turn 40 this year resolutions. Have had two facuials with Brenda my beauty lady and have put toenail varnish on.

week two in the bloggers house

2007-02-21T19:08:00.000Z

Ok.... I am bearing up as I have successfully got blogging again. Here is the current state of affairs in the house with a hole in the roof where the rain comes in....

ooooohhhhh

aaaaaahhhhhhhh!

I have relocated my blog and it has all got a bit much!

2007-02-20T17:53:00.000Z

DON'T DO IT

There's a hole in my roof where the rain gets in

2007-02-19T22:46:00.000Z

OOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

I am going away soon....

2007-01-05T17:13:00.000Z

Who can guess where?

This is what I have done in preparation...
I have piled my clean clothes up in the living room.
I have acquired samples of face stuff from Brenda my beauty lady to save me taking the whole pot.
I have booked airline parking.
I have printed our boarding passes.
I have purchased money (not Euros) from M and S Bureau de change (commission-free).
I have selected a book to take that I will pretend to read.
I have downloaded money-off vouchers to spend in BAA duty free shopping.
I have charged the camera.
I have thought about creating a new playlist featuring the Fratellis.
I have cleaned out my handbag and taken out unnecessary library cards.
I have charged my mobile phone.
I have left written instructions about feeding the moggies with lovely teenage neighbour-carer.
I have given £5.00 to lovely neighbour-carer so she can put credit on her phone and txt me to update on moggy.
Blah Blah Blah.
Am I alone in enduring this ridiculous raft of preparatory behaviour?
Do we all do this?
Is it all really necessary?
It wasn't like this in the oldy days before technologology I bet!

In trouble... and polyfilla

2006-11-28T22:24:00.000Z

Advice needed please. The UC is unhappy about the video and says that I did not obtain his permission to post the photo of him on the loo in my skiing helmet. What shall I do?

Here is the polyfilla:

And here is some technical blurb.

Here is what I think about it: I didn't last for the full four weeks that it takes to notice a 40%reduction in visible brow lines because it seemed to me just to be like the stuff that Martin was using to skim the back bedroom with. Having said that, when I did fill my visible wrinkles with it, temporarily they reduced. If I have to be honest though, my La Prairie very expensive eye cream is the most marvellous goo ever. I use that every day and it fills me with joy - jouissance perhaps (have not checked spelling).

Here it is!!!

2006-11-25T12:42:00.000Z

Volume up and sing along!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtdTCKvRcdU

Please be aware of occasional unsavoury content. If you can cope with the full three minutes, please can you let me know who is the best skier, me or the UC, because he thinks it is him. This is how he gives me feedback...
"What you are not doing is this..."
"The problem is this..."
"You need to do this...."
This is what I say
"Why don't you stick your advice where the sun doesn't shine!"

movie stars

2006-11-25T12:38:00.000Z

I have posted my film to youtube. Only problem is, the tags don't seem to be working. It is tagged simplyclare. Let me know if you can find it!

2006-11-24T22:03:00.000Z

I have made a video today. I might see if I can post it somewhere.

A brief interlude...

2006-09-05T08:22:00.000Z

Just off for two days to see my Auntie Barbara in Murcia. Will have to be very strong-willed in Duty Free because I have discovered the joys of very expensive polyfilla for the face and I know they will be a-selling it there!
Back before you know I've gone!

If it's slippers you want....

2006-09-01T19:25:00.000Z

Then it is slippers that you shall have... First, my Sharon slippers....

Pink, fluffy, a little on the playful side one might say ....
Then, my cheeky, come and get me slippers. Martin often refuses when I am wearing these.

Finally, the project. He will be slippers one day.

The sun is back!

2006-08-31T11:24:00.000Z

And suddenly everything is good again.
These slippers are the same as Sharon Osbourne's. Simply fabulous.

According to dangerous Dave...

2006-08-30T15:50:00.000Z

A day without wine is like a day without sunshine.

My days are pretty dark at the moment.

Keeping it in the family

2006-08-28T20:36:00.000Z

This August bank holiday we went camping. There was me and my little little sister Lauren. She isn't usually a camping person by habit, so she wore lots of other people's clothes and was a real trooper....
We smiled and laughed as we crossed raging rivers...
We acted a bit RANDOM at times...
We let the men do the real boy's stuff with their manly gadgets...
We got glamourous in the sack...
And then had a threesome

What fun!!!!!

Summer skiing in Saas Fee... what's not to like?

2006-08-20T20:46:00.000Z

I know that I am probably going to be rather boring now, but I have to say that Summer skiing with the Warren Smith Performance Ski Academy (whoohay) is one of the coolest holidays to be had.
Here are some some reasons why:
It is in Switzerland - enough said!
It involves a James Bond like funicular railway
It makes you lose weight
There are really cool cows
You get to drink the fantastic local Swiss wine sold at the Park Hotel in Saas Fee (Did you know that the Swiss do not export their wine?)
You can speak any language and people will speak back to you. Voila!
You get to learn from TOP coaches who are just amazing and charming and funny and kind and really serious about getting you better at skiing - but not at all patronising. Gifted indeed!
You get to be on holiday with lots of other skiing people as well as your rather lovely husband of nearly 15 years

It simply has to be done!

A new look

2006-08-19T18:14:00.000Z

Thought I would try the EMO thing.....

From yummmm to hmmmm and a few other things while we are at it...

2006-08-04T07:42:00.000Z

From yummmmmm.....

To hmmmmmmm!!!!!!! (Can you spot the little muncher?). Please see a scary one here!

We have had great fun at the beach and I cycled 24 miles on the Tarka trail
All in preparation for this...

Seems like I've got something to say

2006-07-25T09:31:00.000Z

Actually a couple of things. First... I am so pleased not to have been scrubbed from other people's blog rolls. You are all too kind. It would be quite a harsh thing to do I suppose - and to be honest, I haven't checked everyone's - so if you have scrubbed me, I understand, but would appreciate being reinstated in case I do check as I am very sensitive.

Second... I am still thinking about Victoria's embedded digital technologies and civic participation papers, and was caught by this fact yesterday. Only 14% of people turn off their mobile when they have a bonk. This is truly embedded behaviour.

Third... We have an external examiner who doesn't like it when students list points using 'first... second... third'. I have heard someone else comment that it is grammatically incorrect to use 'firstly... secondly....'. Personally I like listing things in this way. Can anyone explain what is wrong please.

Fourthly... I am going summer skiing to a glacier in Saas-Fee, Switzerland in ten days. Whooohayyyyy.

A real wolfy print from Canadia

2006-04-25T22:00:00.000Z

WHOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOO

Clothing crisis

2006-04-25T21:54:00.000Z

I have many, many things to plan at the moment - but a very pressing problem is what to wear to work now that we are moving from Winter to Spring and back to Autumn again. So... I found this very helpful. Enjoy!

Back from the BIG Rocky Mountains

2006-04-06T18:16:00.000Z

I am back with a few tales of shoulder dislocation and helmet damage to tell.... but that will be later as I have just cleared three million emails and am developing neck strain. Isn't our April fabulously blue and green and yellow at the moment. Just loving being back in good ol' Blighty!

Next Saturday

2006-03-15T22:17:00.000Z

I am going here ...

to do a bit of this...

Except I actually will look a bit more like this...

Weh-hey!!!!!

Did you tune in?

2006-02-22T22:46:00.000Z

Isn't TV fab at the moment. Here are my current favourites:

BUT TONIGHT IT GOT EVEN BETTER

The happy couple: January 11th 2006

2006-02-19T14:25:00.000Z

Check out those new skis!

Anti-valentine protest groupies... this one's for you

2006-02-15T18:42:00.000Z

Thank you to all those who expressed interest and concern. AND Just for the record... Apparently it is quite fashionable to dis the valentine thing. Many people do it nowadays... mainly on the grounds that valentine's day is a ritualised fest of consumerism.
The ultimate consumer himself thought that I understood this. IN FACT he thought that we had agreed upon this. So you see, he didn't simply forget to buy me a card. He chose not to.

HUGE ERROR ON HIS PART... THE STUPID MAN

But because of the loving support from all you good guys out there from Bunnything to DigiGran, I have forgiven him, and normal life chez tiny folk is gradually being rebuilt... and I had to talk to him anyway because I can't go to sleep without saying goodnight.

Here's looking forward to February 15th

2006-02-14T21:49:00.000Z

Four things meme - a little late - but better than never

2006-02-02T19:00:00.000Z

Oh my goodness I am simply naff!

4 places I have lived
Exeter - this is where I go running

Silverton - this is where James Hewitt crashed his car!

Epsom - I used to get out of school early to go to the Derby with all the toffs

Watford - I had a lovely time at Watford College, but I didn't meet Elton.

4 Jobs I’ve Had
Aerobics instructor
Senior(!) advertising sales executive at House Beautiful
Media planner buyer
Teacher

4 Favourite Movies
It's a Wonderful Life - I just love it. With sherry of course

The Blues Brothers - a most funny film

The Life of Brian - another real favourite

Amelie - so sweet

4 Favourite TV Shows
It ain't half hot Mum (not truly - but it is sOOOO well to the jay bad that I love it)
Desperate Housewives
ER
Neighbours

4 Favourite CDs
Ray of Light - Madonna
Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits
Elvis' greatest Hits
Dolly Gold - Dolly Parton

4 Places I Have Been on Holiday
Megeve, French Alps
Banff, Alberta
Porthcurno, Cornwall
Rovaniemi, Arctic Circle

4 Things I Love to Do
Ski anywhere (particularly on my new Dynastar Skis)
Walk, run, and camp on Dartmoor
Drink really good wine and eat really good food with really good friends
Talk on the phone

4 Favourite Books
Cat's Eye - Margaret Atwood
The Five people You Meet in heaven
Where the Wild things are
The Handbook of qualitative research (second edition) (ok, I am joking at this point)

4 Websites I Visit Daily
University of Plymouth intranet
Google home page
Wikipedia
Simply Clare's Simple Thoughts

4 Bloggers to Tag with this Meme
I don't know what tagging is? Can I tag people that have already been tagged in a what goes around comes around kind of way?
If so
Mary Plain
Dr Rob
Dr Joolz
Guy
I retag you ALL because you continue to visit me even though I am a crap blogger with disappearing tendencies. Thank you!

The times, they are-a-changing...

2006-01-31T16:51:00.000Z

I have been very busy but managed time for a spot of Sunday Dinner with my very good friends and neighbours this weekend. And I am very glad that I did because I learnt that a whole new world of teen-types are out there!!!!

OK, so we all know about chavs and Goths - but did you know about EMOs? and what about those teens who proclaim to have their 'own unique style'? Perhaps (I simply thought, forgetting about the travelability across time and space of all things teen), these are local Devonshire terms. So, I did some research.

At a local level, according to my source, an EMO is an emotional punk! One who wears black, has coloured bits in their hair and vibrant make up (kind of like Toyah). Why EMO? Shouldn't it be EMOP I asked. This met with a 'look'.

Next I jumped on the net and checked it out. Here's what I found first, and then this for a bit more info that is less image-driven.

Apparently EMO has been around for ages!

So... I have deduced that Arctic Monkeys must be EMO.... Cool or what.

Now as for 'own unique style'... this is harder to define. At a local level, apparently, it means that you belong to a group who are identifiable because you ALL have your own unique style. Try to argue about that with someone 26 years younger than yourself... You are DOOMED.

However, a quick search took me to a petite personal shopping service for all of us who carry a big instrument with us wherever we go (unable to identify the said instrument for sure and too tired for any more research). So, on a global level, things are looking up and I am off to buy one to make my legs look longer and thinner.

THEN I realised that, being unique, I typed in 'own individual style' instead of 'own unique style'. SO finally, I achieved the correct jargon and here's what I got. And here's the look of the minute! And I have a puffy jacket thank the lord (scroll down the blog for this)! But I don't think it makes me unique... so I am confused and off to buy a TUBA.

Does it get much better than this?

2006-01-19T17:26:00.000Z

OK... so I heard the story about the hamster and the rat snake on Steve Wright, and then went to look at the picture of the FATTEST hamster in the world. I liked this a lot BUT liked this even more! Please read the last paragraph. I think it is worth the energy.

By the way, did I tell you that I am a champion giant slalom skier??? That's GS to you. More to follow.

Christmas preparations

2005-12-11T20:32:00.000Z

I have been sooooo busy these last few weeks.. doing a bit of this and that - a lot of work and not too much play - but thank the Lordy: Christmas is-a-coming; the birthday of the Ultimate Consumer is almost upon us; and I am going to hit the slopes of Megeve in 26.5 days. AND there is p-lenty of the white stuff to play in. HOORRAAAAAAH

This weekend I have been here in preparation, playing on one of these:
It was great because I got to wear my helmet. Remember my helmet? I also got to wear my favourite ski socks.

I like ski socks because they come up to your knees and are very practical. They hide a whole host of beauty negligence - so tremendously - that every time I pull them up, over my black toenail, hardened skin, middle-aged ankle puff, thickening stubble and varicose veins, I feel happy - youthful even. Don't ask me why - but ski socks are feel-goodski socks in my book.

Anyway I digress. I have also been busy preparing for Christmas. Here is what I have been doing:

Baking Christmas cakes
Buying gold lacquer placemats and gold table stuff for my Christmas table
Buying Birthday and Christmas present for UC
Buying Birthday and Christmas present for my mother
Buying Christmas presents for everyone else
Preparing agenda for Christmas Eve, day and the big Boxer with UC and very good friends H and M.
BORING LIST VERY SORRY HAVE HAD TO STOP!!!!!

Been a bit busy...

2005-12-06T22:24:00.000Z

Thinking about this...

and doing a bit of this...

...roll on the holidays.

Message for i-anya

2005-11-08T11:09:00.000Z

I composed a very thoughtful response and it hasn't posted! Anyway, in brief (in case it doesn't post again) - thank you, you have helped my thinking. I am so conscious of how my IMing preteen friend's behaviour is different when she IMs with me (alongside her). She kind of comes even more alive. In particular I have noticed how she tells her story while IMing alongside me (filling in the necessary detail/ leaving out bits too I am sure!). My role positions me as naive - even if I am not. A methodology that embraces this complexity is what I am searching for!

This is a message for Anya in response to her comment to me regarding the paper that Guy alerted me to on her blog. Anya, I have tried to leave two comments - but they won't publish. Apologies if they suddenly all appear in multiple forms.

Now i-anya may not read this post - so if you bump into her somewhere, or are able to comment on her blog, please can you let her know for me?

True to my word...

2005-11-07T22:44:00.000Z

Charles Hamilton Sorley (1895-1915)
The Song of the Ungirt Runners

We swing ungirded hips,
And lightened are our eyes,
The rain is on our lips,
We do not run for prize.
We know not whom we trust
Nor whitherward we fare,
But we run because we must
Through the great wide air.

The waters of the seas
Are troubled as by storm.
The tempest strips the trees
And does not leave them warm.
Does the tearing tempest pause?
Do the tree-tops ask it why?
So we run without a cause
'Neath the big bare sky.

The rain is on our lips,
We do not run for prize.
But the storm the water whips
And the wave howls to the skies.
The winds arise and strike it
And scatter it like sand,
And we run because we like it
Through the broad bright land.

Now being of a pseudo-literary persuasion, I am pretty sure that this poem is not about running at all - but it is certainly a timely choice, being November and all that - and we shall read it literally for the purpose of today's (tonight's) post.

Introduction
Here I am (all about me) with my lovely Brother-in-law, Tony. Poor Tony was supposed to run his first ever half marathon five weeks ago, but fell ill. So, being kind-hearted folks, me and the UC (whose spending is again out of control - he has bought a swedish axe and knife in the last seven days), invited Tony to stay with us in beautiful Devon and partake of a bit of the old off-road-running. Yesterday we 'competed' in a rather funny race that involved running exclusively up and down very steep hills in order to avoid the breeched banks of the River Teign. This was very hard indeed, and we came nearly last, but didn't care a bit.

Preparation and process
I thought hard about my approach to this race and the induction of brother Tony. "Talk" I thought, "that's what he will need to get him up and down these hills", so talk I did. I did bossy talk " Come on Tony", encouraging talk, "Well done Tony", devious talk " We are nearly at the top now Tony" and purely motivational talk " Remember all that training you have done Tony, it will pay off now we only have three more miles to go". Now, it strikes me that most people would be delighted to have this much attention while running up and down shaley, muddy and occasionally flooded tracks - but not Tony. At about seven miles, he had enough of my chat and spluttered that he was going to listen to the Scissor Sisters on his MP3 player.

Conclusion
So I ran off and beat him by four minutes. Hell hath no fury and all that! They don't call me chin-out Dowdall for nothing you know. Results are available here - but remember to scroll right to the end (nearly) to find the staggering times for me and Mr Tony Davies.

Post script
Mr Tony has decided that he wants to come running with us again. This is a tiny bit daunting because he is likely to thrash my pants next time.

Post post script
Check out the angle of my legs: now that's what they call a combination of yogic strength and flexibility and a flickr like awareness that they look better side on. Also the cellulite has been temporarily eaten by leeches and ticks. Check out the 'blush' on Tony's cheeks too. Hee hee.

Glamour model

2005-11-01T17:54:00.000Z

We all know that the world of academia has its glamorous and not-so glamorous moments. Here am I, caught in a less glamorous one - the real me! and a quiz to check your powers of observation...

1. Whose walking sandals am I wearing?

2. Where is our office furniture from (range optional)?

3. What part of my spine am I most likely to deform if I continue to work in this position?

Any comments on your own working habits are welcome - particularly advice relating to posture, ergonomics and home office outfits. I am sporting White Stuff baggy joggers, Next pink fleece (as worn in most blog shots), Bridgedale hiking socks and outsize Merrel walking sandals. In my mouth, I am holding a short and sharpened hb pencil.

Actually, I have just noticed that I am sitting here blogging, looking at my blog picture in a strange gazey sort of way. hmmmmmm.

What a carve up!

2005-10-29T18:00:00.000Z

Has she or hasn't she? The current topic of idle gossip in my dining room recently. Ears are looking a little far back to me. Go on... join in.... whadyathink? Would you do it? Do you care? For what it's worth, I did a few uttanasanas to Ray of Light this morning. Still my favourite album of all time! But then I saw Madge in my formative years - when she was still an American with very pointy bosoms - and I wore leggings.

Another favourite poem - a little less well known perhaps

2005-10-28T18:30:00.000Z

Catacombs, Paris by David Constantine

Collecting the photos at the counter next to where
She bought the testing kit he sees what he has done,
She has, they have, down there
In the deepest circle by the font that one
Script called the Samaritan Woman's Well
And the other Lethe. She is displayed
Much like a nude against the knobby wall
Of end-on femurs and humeri, arms wide
Along a dado curve of skulls. Boudoir
Or chapel apse in a kraal of bone of some
Few hundred of several millions of dead,
His lens, the flash, her look of centre spread.
The place? Down there. And when? The morning after
One of his several million sperm went home.

Saturday March 2, 2002 The Guardian

I read this poem in the Guardian in 2002 and it haunted me to the extent that I cut it out and kept it. The contrast of a tiny promise of new life and death on such a massive scale - and the innocence of the moment described. Bizarre. Anyway, I have never visited the Catacombs in Paris - but found this amazing picture here. So, this is me being playful in a macabre and slightly arty way. Don't mock it - as Jack once said to Vera: "Vera love... this is as good as it gets".

AND NOW.... Lemon syrup loaf cake (page 13 of Nigella's how to be a domestic Goddess)

125g unsalted butter
175g caster sugar
2 large eggs
zest of 1 lemon
175g sr flour
pinch of salt
4 tablespoons milk
23x13x7cm loaf tin buttered and lined

for syrup
juice of 1.5 lemons (about 4 tblespoons)
100g icing sugar

Oven 180 C/ gas mark 4

butter and line loaf tin well. Cream together butter and sugar (I did this in food proc). Add eggs and lemon zest, beating them in well. Add flour and salt gently, then milk. Put in tin and cook (45 mins - 1 hr until cake tester comes out clean). Should look golden and risen with a split - although may sink a bit later).

Make syrup while baking cake: melt juice and sugar together over gentle heat.

As soon as cake is out of oven, puncture with skewer all over and pour over syrup - tring to get some in middle. Leave cake to soak up the rest and cool. Don't try to take it out of tin until completely cold.

YUMMY

For Kate

2005-10-24T15:27:00.000Z

Here is a poem for Dr Kate and the rest of us losers out here in the blogosphere. I had to critique this in my finals and loved it so much that I remember it to this day! The final stanza is just perfect.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- Elizabeth Bishop

You didn't know I had a literary side did you.

Progress report

2005-10-23T17:20:00.000Z

Bowled over am I at the concern of the blogging community. Thanks indeed for the kind wishes expressed by one and all. Unfortunately, I didn't read the advice until TOO LATE, so this morning, at 8.30, I left with my heartless husband (more about him to follow), and our wonderful friend and neighbour, Mr Holland, to take to the moor, donned in a Helly Hansen, Off-road running shoes, attractive runner's shorts and my trusty minimal bounce bra, with two pieces of kitchen roll tucked in (for nose blowing, not breast enhancement - where else to keep?) and having consumed the obligatory ibuprofen (my only addiction - and I can't say I am proud of it).

Here is a summary of our endeavours:
1. Ran along a flatish riverbank in the Teign Valley for three miles (from Clifford Bridge to Fingle Bridge - tis quaint down ere) a bit of mud and undulation, but no real problems.
2. Ascended to Castle Drogo using the Hunter's path. This was hell.
3. Ran along a ridge for about two miles.
4. Descended back to the River Teign.
5. Crossed the River Teign
6. Ran back along the river in an undulating manner for about two miles to Fingle Bridge
AT THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HAPPENED
7. Did not cross bridge and return to car. Instead ascended Maximum heart rate hill for about a mile. If the first hill was hell, this was double hell-hill with bells on.
8. Ran back down to the river on a tiny muddy wet track.
9. Ascended back up to the ridge again on a flint embedded path.
10. Descended very steeply until most of toe nails had fallen off and femurs were embedded in patellas.
11. Ran (limped) the final flat mile back to the car - about ten miles in all - and the course of the famous Castle Drogo race that I am going to do in a couple of weeks time.

Anyway, back to Martin my heartless husband. He is quite mean to me, and prides himself on being better than me at everything related to physical exercise except perhaps rollerskating. He is particularly proud of his skiing technique, and yesterday nearly died laughing when I suggested that I might be getting as good as him on the slopes (which of course is rubbish - but worth the pot shot for the response alone).

So today, when we went running, I decided to name him Hare - as in the Tortoise and the Hare, me being the trusty steadfast tortoise, who in the end would triumph over cocky and arrogant speedier creature.

This tickled me as we were running, particularly as I recalled Hartley Hare - the unpleasant Pipkins character from the 70s:

Hartley managed to incorporate into his personality the worst human frailties which all of us possess in varying degrees, which meant that viewers could easily identify with him. He had to be the centre of attention, and if he wasn't, he would not be beyond creating some diversion to swing the attention back to him. He also cheated and sulked when found out. Often he would not be the least bit interested in some object until someone else wanted it. Then he would go to enormous and devious lengths to get it for himself. Yet at the same time there was always something charmingly naive and open about him. He would be genuinely horrified if it was pointed out to him that his actions had been selfish and hurt someone else. He would even go out of his way to make it up to them. He was also extremely highly strung so that even the simplest decision or action would become a dramatic highlight!

ANYWAY towards the end of the final hideous hill, I noticed that my super-fit and stylish husband was slowing down somewhat, so in true tortoise style, I decided to steal the fabulous moment. Drawing on all my reserves, I charged up the hill past him and Mr Holland, tootling a triumphant tootle on an imaginary trumpet. This must have been quite an amazing spectacle for the elderly gentleman with his dogs, who were sitting quietly observing the wildlife and scenery in a contemplative, Sunday morning kind-of-way.

After my husband had apologised to the slightly startled old chap, he threw me the most heartless insult of all and it went something along the following lines: "I might be a heartless hare, but you will never be a taut arse".
I think he had really excelled himself with this, so forgave him instantly, and we went home and I made a lovely cake.

Now, I have earache.

Yawn yourself Dr Rob

2005-10-22T21:38:00.000Z

Don't be cheeky Dr Rob. I have a very busy life right now. Today I have been skiing (Plymouth, naturally) and tomorrow I am going for a ten mile run (Dartmoor naturally) and I have been deaf for three weeks and am on antibiotics (Flucloxacillin naturally) so am not functioning normally.

Getting ready for the festivities

2005-10-12T17:21:00.000Z

First this evening, Nintendogs: the game sensation set to hit the streets in time for the festive season. Apparently it is about keeping a virtual cat or dog. Nothing new there then. But perhaps you can pierce them? Anyway, I am hoping that the USP of the Nintendo DS with Nintendogs is that it doubles as a Rolf Harris stylophone - the pencil thing looks familiar to me.

The Stylophone or as it was more commonly known "The Electronic Organ in
your Pocket !". Surely this must have been Rolf Harris’ finest moment, well,
apart from his "Swim with Rolf " television series and Public Information Films
and of course his monster No1 hit "Two Little Boys" and not forgetting "Animal
Hospital", but apart from those the association of the Stylophone and the world
famous Antipidean Balladeer and Painter could only ensure both a place in the
‘70’s Hall of Fame.

Did you have a stylophone? My sister and I got one for Christmas and I could play poor Lena Zavaroni's "Ma he's making eyes at me". As this is the only musical instrument I have ever mastered I wanted to SHARE this achievement.

Secondly - here's a nice red coat Dr Joolz. Big sleeves could be handy for concealing digi camera - or stylophones. And just think, you could be the new face of Christian Dior with your magic neck and facial line elimination techniques!
So... a few ideas for your Christmas list. I am sure there will be more to follow.

Read any good blooks recently?

2005-10-11T21:09:00.000Z

Blooks. The new thing apparently. So new in fact, that if you google search for blooks, you are asked "Did you mean: books?". Here is a definition of a blook:

Blook
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
A blook is a book serialized on a blog site. Chapters are published one by one as blog posts, and readers can then subscribe to a blook with an RSS feed, tag it, comment on it, etc. Blooks were popularized by Tom Evslin in September 2005, with the launch of hackoff.com, a murder mystery set in the dot-com bubble. Blooks can include online material. For example, hackoff.com includes both a wiki and a faux company website for the fictional company described in the book. Other blooks available as of 9/29/05 include The Boy Who Heard Music by British rock star Peter Townshend, Madie's Bear Tribe Journals by Marsha Loftis, and Fiddle and Burn by Jason Pomerantz. Although these works fit the definition of blook, they don't currently describe themselves that way.
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blook"

According to the BBC, the first blooker shortlist will be published next March in order to celebrate this new literary form. One to watch out for perhaps? I don't know what Charles Dickens would have said... "What goes around comes around" perhaps?

By special request..... The coat

2005-10-06T18:05:00.000Z

This is my coat. It is very warm indeed - being made of wool cashmere angora. I have had it since I worked at the Reader's Digest, seventeen years ago, which leads me to believe that wool cashmere angora is very reliable. I have also just realised that I have never had it dry cleaned - which is absolutely disgusting. This coat has lived in Surrey and Devon: two fine counties. You see the bag in the picture: I have still got that too - and take it to work with me every day. Mulberry. Which will mean nothing to Dr Rob - but believe me, still gives me a little thrill, because it is about as extravagant as I have ever been with a bag.
One fine feature of my coat is its pockets and the versatility that they bring. You can keep so much in them. Including small cats and hamsters (although not together of course - that would be cruel, and then you would need to visit the dry cleaner). When your hands are in the pockets, you can wrap the coat really tightly around you to make you feel quite thin. Alternatively, you can just swish along with the fullness of the cut creating a sort of big blob shape.

My friend Linda just looks at my coat and says "Lost Encounters" in a dreamy kind of voice. I don't know what she is talking about because I am simple.

In this shot, I am standing outside the University of Rovaniemi in Finland. On this particular jaunt, I wore my coat in minus 43 degrees (not sure what sort of degrees because I failed Physics O'level as well as French). Needless to say, my trusty coat was a real boon in these extreme temperatures and my nose felt very sticky inside.

Here I am, having removed my coat in minus 43 degrees and adorned instead a rubber floating suit. You can see me floating in the gap in the sea ice, made by the arctic icebreaker that we were journeying on!

Of course, travelling on the only passenger-carrying icebreaker in the Arctic, and floating in the Baltic was remarkable... but not as cool as this:

I describe it as skidooing in a fairy tale. Martin and I were allowed off-track into the meadows where the powder was three feet deep. I had to be dug out three times - but it didn't stop me enjoying myself. Here I am being dug out:

See how the instructor is up to his bottom in white stuff.

Anyway... I have rambled away from the detail of my magnificent coat - but have realised in the process just how worth every penny it has been. So Dr Joolz, thank you for the prompt, and what is more, thank you for the whole wondrous coat conversations altogether.

Yoga Kitty

2005-10-04T21:33:00.000Z

If Doga is too much for you, you may prefer (or not) the Yoga Kitty videos.

I want to live in Tenesseee

2005-10-03T20:38:00.000Z

Tonight I have been to Bloga. It started at 7.00 and went on to 8.30pm. It involved: paying £5.00; sitting on my special non-slip mat in a school hall; deep breathing through one nostril; pranayamamama, trikonasanananananaaaa; a candle and incense stick and emptying my mind of everything EXCEPT WHAT TO WRITE ON MY BLOG TONIGHT.

Anyway, Bloga, as a new activity was quite fun. For the first time today, I focused on just the one thing - and instead of the normal frenetic activity that goes on in the upstairs room when the lights are on chez moi, a kind of peace was achieved. Partly this was because I couldn't hear the yoga teacher's instructions. You see, I am deaf at the moment following an almost- cold that morphed into left ear deafness instead. Apparently, if I just wait a month, it is likely to subside and I will hear again. If not, I will be referred for an Audiogram. In precisely 17 weeks, 6 days and 23 hours time. Sorry - did I mention my cynicism about NHS waiting list targets (Don't get the Ultimate Consumer going on those!)

Anyway, while at Bloga, I decided not to tell you about meeting the Mummy and Mummy of the Dark Destroyer, but instead to tell you about my Bloga experience. So I came home and looked at my blog - and panicked because the 'Well Hello Diva Kitty' post makes NO sense whatsoever (except to me and perhaps Diva Kitty), so I have decided to clarify WHAT is going on.

Things to do with pets - that's WHAT. You can blame Guy.
You may be wondering why I am rambling on in this uncharacteristic fashion? Well, everything comes to those who wait... In Tennesseeeeeee, the folks they are so cool that they have Doga classes for dogs and owners together.

Check it out HERE. It sounds kinda groovy don't it (that's my Tennesseeeee drawl). So that is why I want to live in Tennesseeeee. It sounds simply wonerful.

Anyway, as we said at the end of Bloga tonight

"Have a nice day"

Well HELLO Diva Kitty

2005-10-02T18:07:00.000Z

How're YOU doin?

Just to say...

2005-09-28T20:42:00.000Z

... that I did write something slightly more thoughtful on another blog today: Let's get digital: play - so am exhausted now. BUT couldn't finish for the evening without linking to this. It's just for you Guy. Hope that you like it.

An uncanny likeness indeed

2005-09-27T17:49:00.000Z

I promised... and I will therefore produce the goods - although I am slightly concerned that you may never view me in the same way again. But hey... it's not about you!

So..., I began impersonating Deirdre about the time that Ken left her - for the first time I think (because if my memory serves me correctly, he has married and left Deirdre twice - although perhaps I am mistaken. Candian intelligence is needed here). Anyway, my talent peaked at about the time of 'Samir', Dierdre's ill-fated Turkish husband, who came before Mike Baldwin.

In impersonating Deirdre, I focus on two features in particular: the words spoken; and the quality of tension in the neck area. Please see below and imagine the voice...

"Ken, Ken, don't leave me Ken!"

or

"Samir, Samir, come back Samir!"

I think that you will agree, the likeness is remarkable - and perhaps enhanced by having to say the words yourself.

My success with Deirdre led to a desire to try a new, and perhaps more challenging character altogether. So I chose Gail Tilsley/Platt/etc. for her remarkable ability to puff out her cheeks and disappear her chin.

In this example, you might like to try the lines:

"OOOooh Sarah Lou, you'll be the death of us all"

or

"Mam, I've told you before... just leave it"

I recognise that this impression is not quite perfect yet - but traces of Gail in all her glory definitely shine through.

So dear Canadian fans of The street, I hope that you are not too overwhelmed - or in fact jealous of my impersonating talent. This is indeed a light that has been hidden under my bushel(l?) for many, many years... and just think, it has taken the wonders of the digital age and new social practices around technology to expose this simple talent.

Thank you Tim Berners-Lee for helping to make this all possible.

The Forest... The magic Forest and the power of Ohhhhhmmmmm

2005-09-26T20:42:00.000Z

I went to yoga and ohhhhhmmmmd a bit (Thank you Dr Rob, Dr Joolz and Guy for your support during this crisis). It seemed to work - because... presto....Here we are in the magic forest. Isn't it wonderful. See the twisty turny oak trunks. Imagine stroking the mossy boulders. Feel the warmth of the dappled sunlight reaching into the green depths. I just love it here. It makes me feel like a little woodland troll.

It is actually called Black-a-tor Copse and is an area of national natural scientific wonderblah blah blah, because it is an ancient high altitude oak forest with lots of lovely lichens. You may be wondering when I developed this interest in greenery and shrubs: well - fickle-me-not ye of little faith (woodland troll-speak): I got 'D' for Botany A' level in 1985. So may I recommend that you find a high altitude oakland forest near you for a magical day out sometime.

In case you were wondering - Martin is adjusting his Rucksac buckle, and I am wearing my new climafit waterproof overtrousers and all-purpose headscarf.

Somewhere in the magical forest....

2005-09-26T17:10:00.000Z

Deary me, I have just tried three more times to upload the picture of the magical forest. It is so bloomin magical that it won't bloomin upload, which, quite frankly, is getting on my nerves! This is its last chance...

AAARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Guy, this is the equivalent of flatpack torture. (But at least I can still link! As a desperate measure I have tried to upload a picture of Martin's favourite spatula - one that has previously appeared - and that won't upload either. It is saying 'done' - but there is nothing there. The pictures are just in my images file - but normally that works.

I am getting very stressed and I have got to go to yoga. What can I do????????????

Baku-shan - and the need for more words

2005-09-25T20:02:00.000Z

This weekend has been splendid.
First I read the Times on Saturday and learnt that despite our fabulous and ever-evolving English language being so varied and descriptive, we just don't have the words to cover every eventuality. For example, Baku-shan is a Japanese word that describes a woman who looks better from behind. This is not particularly well demonstrated by the image that I have uploaded from our super Sunday yomp, and I do hope that Di doesn't mind, but the idea is just great. It is so specific. We just seem to have highly-generalised terms like Minger and Munter and Moose (Thank you Martin for these helpful suggestions). Baku-shan however conjures the disappointment that we must all (male or female) have experienced when brought up short by a less than pleasing second impression. Personally, I know that I look better from the front. I look particularly horrific from behind, and have screamed often in Marks and Spencer's changing rooms when confronted with my rear view in one of those bizarre articulating mirrors.

Second, I spent some lovely time with my little friend Clare. Here she is, wireless on MSN, and talking about her online conversations to another friend, while watching Xfactor with me. Now... We have had the phrase 'Continuous Computing' for a while (yet more thanks to Mr Roush due here), but I don't think that these words really describe what was going on at 7.15pm with Clare in my living room. So, over to you dear blurkers. Any suggestions? What words can I use to describe this fabulous connectivity (if, indeed, this is fabulous connectivity - as I have to confess that I haven't got my head around this word yet, and wikipedia was no use!)?

Third, I am without bloggable words - because I can't load any more pictures!!!! AAARGHHHH. So will be back soon, when I can, as I want to show you my Dierdre and Gail impressions, and the magic woods that I visited today.

Wonder in Weatherfield

2005-09-24T15:13:00.000Z

I haven't watched Coronation Street since the days of Derek, Mavis and Pendlebury Paper Products - In fact, I don't watch our homegrown soaps at all, preferring to get my soap fix from the sunnier brand and story lines offered by Ramsay Street. HOWEVER, last night, I have to admit that I was lured back to the ginnels of Weatherfield following an intriguing interview on the radio. It turns out that Status Quo - long time fans of 'the Street' - have secured cameo roles in Corrie for the next six weeks.

Now, so bemused was I by potential for creativity offered by the combination of Betty Turpin and the oldest rockers in town, that I switched on. And boy am I glad that I did.

It was magnificent. Let me conjure my favourite moment:

The scene: Francis Rossi and the one with long blonde hair walk up to Betty at the bar of the Rovers. Francis Rossi is in a neck brace.

Francis: What food have you got love?
Betty Turpin: Hotpot

And that was it! After that it just got better and better. I haven't laughed so much for ages. I can't tell you about any of the other bits because I don't know who the characters were - but I will definitely keep watching. So thank you Granada Television for a simply fabulous start to the weekend.

Today I want this life...

2005-09-21T21:48:00.000Z

... but I got this one instead.

Comfortably Numb

2005-09-19T18:14:00.000Z

"Hello (hello... hello...) ... is there anybody out there?... just nod if you can hear me... Is there anyone home?" blah blah blah...

(Please see and listen to Pink Floyd or the Scissor Sisters - I have a version for every generation - well, two I suppose if I am being pedantic.)

But yes, I have BECOME comfortably NUMB - for a few weeks and in blogging terms anyway. I have entered and dwelled awhile in a new place that I would like to name CLARE'S BLOG HOLE.

For clarification, let me refer to Wikipedia: "According to classical general relativity, neither matter nor information can flow from the interior of a black hole to an outside observer." HMMM sounds about right - well almost. This definition presumes that I had something to say from within my BLOG HOLE. However, I can categorically deny this. I had nothing to say, no wit, no ideas. It just all went away. Life, for a short while became simple again. And I liked it!

But tonight I am back, ripped from my hole by a news story that really has made me sad - and which perhaps I shouldn't refer to in the same post as the flippant comments above. So I shall leave a suitable space:

(I am afraid that this space isn't suitable - but it will have to do)

The Great North Run
In the car, on my way home from work, I heard on the radio that four men had died yesterday having participated in the Great North Run. Now this is truly awful - almost unbelievable really. Obviously at a personal level the tragedy experienced by the friends and families is indescribable, and I am not about to comment about that. But for other reasons too, I find this a really sad story.

The Great North Run is a tremendous race - the largest half marathon in the world. Yesterday, around 50,000 people took to the streets of Newcastle and beyond to achieve a personal or perhaps charity-driven goal - namely to run 20kms, or 13.1 miles. I watched some of it - this was unplanned viewing. I had returned from a comparitively very modest jog around the woods and had turned the TV on while stretching. I was so moved to see all those thousands of people running, and all their supporters watching. I was moved to tears by some of the personal stories - five medical staff were running to raise money in memory of a colleague: a liver transplant survivor, who had subsequently trained to become a nurse specialising in working with transplant patients. She had died this January, aged only thirty, but had inspired her colleagues to run to raise money to fund other nurses to specialise in working with transplant patients.

Stories like these are both extraordinary and commonplace at these mass participation endurance events, and seem to inspire everyday people to set themselves goals that are outside of their everyday limits. Personally, I think that this is absolutely fantastic. That other people can pound the streets to raise money for others I find amazing. This inspiration is generated largely by the very positive media coverage that these events spawn (not spurn!). I am another sort of runner - a selfish one: I have never run to raise money for others - simply to achieve my own goals and for the sheer exhiliration of knowing that 'I have done it'. But I don't think that this matters particularly. Hats off to anyone who runs, or tries to run thirteen miles. I have done it - and it is very, very difficult.

SO I am really sad, that an event such as this should be remembered, and covered extensively in the media because of the tragic deaths of four runners. I don't know the details about how they died - but I do know that newspaper and media reports blaming the organisation of this event are irresponsible. I am also speaking from experience when I say that the weather yesterday wasn't hot enough to exclusively take the blame either. The Great West Run takes place every May bank holiday. It is usually boiling hot - hot enough for friendly firemen to be spraying their hoses - and for severe surnburn to the shoulders - and as far as I am aware, no one has died.

The fact seems to me to be that no corporate group or weather phenomenon can be blamed for these tragic deaths. As far as I am aware, the organisation was marvellous, with ambulances and water readily available for competitors. The media seem to have taken possession of these events - and caused the growth in their popularity. It would be really sad if irresponsible reporting, and the need to find a scapegoat, where none exists, leads to yet more beaurocracy and nanny-stating. I am afraid that, as hard as it sounds, any sunday morning run carries risks, as does any bike ride or walk on the hills. I am desperately sorry for those touched by the deaths of the four runners - and the runners themselves - but while I can choose to run and participate in events of this kind, I am firmly aware that the sole responsibility for my well-being rests with one person: me.

What a spectacle

2005-09-08T16:26:00.000Z

Today I tried to purchase some new spectacles. This was a humiliating experience. First I learnt that I have reached an age when the optician has to puff air at your eyeballs. This made me scream a little bit. Then I went to a darkened room where another man turned my eyelids inside out. Through this, I kept entirely silent.
Then I was taken downstairs and handed various frames to try. Some were too up-turned at the corners; some too harsh for my colouring; some too big (although apparently we won't be able to get them big enough soon as the 'Deirdre' look is back. - For my overseas blurkers, 'Dierdre' is a very famous character from Coronation Street. She used to thrust her neck outwards in a way that I can, and do replicate, and say "Ken, Ken, Don't leave me Ken". Then she married several murderers and murderees if I remember correctly. Anyway I digress.) I thought that you might like to see just how hard it is to be me. Here is why buying glasses is tricky:
1. I have a pin-head
2. I have a slightly big nose with a wide bridge - which wouldn't be big if my head wasn't pin-like
3. Because I am small, I don't want to look through a frame at peoples' faces, so I want glasses like a snooker player and they don't appear to sell these at my opticians
4. My ears are not level
4. My hair is very crap at the moment
5. I have learnt that glasses create an image - and I don't want one.

Anyway, the very kind man who had turned my eyelids inside out, took pity on me and let me bring four pairs home - all of which make a "very different statement". Perhaps you would like to share what you think the statement is. Here are my suggestions:
Les Dawson would look good in these
Is that Dierdre's neck I can see?

I may stick with may daily disposable lenses - but would welcome any feedback.

By the way... here is Dierdre. Isn't she marvellous?

Normal bloghaviour will soon be resumed

2005-09-07T08:02:00.000Z

Hello blurkers (Thank you for this: you know who you are!)
Just to say that blogging and I are having a break this week due to general very busyness - although I am touched that so many of you have blurked awhile on these - sometimes - shall we say "less than challenging", perhaps 'simple' even - pages (how's that for punctuation?)
So... as the big guy says... "I'll be back"

Virtual worlds in the classroom

2005-08-30T17:39:00.000Z

Found this on the BBC pages tonight - an account of a teacher using Myst games with his pupils in the classroom. Sounds like fun - and even more impressive, the reporter still managed to bring Tim around to how many level fours he gets! Sometimes there's just no getting away from the real business of education is there?

Lemon Surprise pudding indeed

2005-08-29T21:47:00.000Z

Today I actually got round to reading the Sunday paper. And the Saturday paper (broadsheets - not 'dreadful' ones of course). I read all the sections. I even read the home design, the gardening and the cookery pages. And I felt so pleased with myself.... " Don't I have a nice life... Shouldn't I be pleased to be me... I can do whatever I want to on this Bank Holiday... I only need please myself. I know, I will make 'Lemon Surprise pudding' (p.47 Sunday Times Style magazine it has nursery food qualities - the soft sponge topping and lemony custard beneath is a sublime combination)... How fabulous to be able to do just what takes my fancy... Excellent, I can use U.C's double ended silicone spatula... Well that was simple... pop it in... ready in 45 minutes..."

Well here's the surprise... It was BLOOMIN' DIGUSTING

Here are the ingredients:
50g butter
grated rind and juice of one lemon
90g caster sugar
2 eggs separated
15g plain flour sifted
300ml milk

Basically, you cream bits together, then add the milk and stiff egg whites, then cook it for 45 minutes at 180.

What did I do wrong? FORGET creamy custard. Mine had water under a soggy curdled sponge that tasted unspeakable. I am not that good at puddings - but this was meant to be a good, SMUG kind of day. And it wasn't good any more.

WHY DIDn't IT WORK??? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? PLEASE HELP!!!

Gone but not forgotten

2005-08-26T22:08:00.000Z

I am not going to name you - I wouldn't dream of it - but why did you remove the post? I received it as an email and really liked it. Our newspapers are dreadful - and it is very hard to know which version of any story to believe. I usually read the Guardian, the Independent and BBC news online. And in the evenings, I watch Lost and Bromwell High!

Bromwell High

2005-08-26T21:57:00.000Z

I also promised to comment on BH last week - and then forgot. Prompted by my fine friend Helen's reminder, I am going to undertake a live blog posting at 11.20 tonight. Obviously, it may be a little more raw than my usual carefully crafted contributions - and possibly a rather exciting first for me... so tune in if you wish... 15 minutes and counting.

I am waiting with my battery still brim full for Bromwell High (lovely poetic tones). The trailer has just announced that it is going to be about the perfect prefect. Carefully positioned adverts to appeal to viewing audience of teachers and others in education are appearing, e.g. 'hip' music and films: Black-Eyed Peas and 'The forty year old virgin'. Nice touch advertising industry.

Here we go. Strong language warning, risque Nintendo DS 'touch me' trailer... and let it roll.
Bit with kids on bus: rubbish
Bit in staffroom: quite funny
Bit in RE classroom: very funny, very unpolitically correct - or politically incorrect (Chris Best - did you like it?)
Bit with headteacher: embarassingly appalingly written and not funny at all

Adverts
Mazda
City and Guilds
Horror film
Lacoste essential - the new fragrance for Men
Castlemaine XXXX
Road safety for teenagers
Horror film
Reality programme about staying in a 1950s style holiday camp

I always find it interesting to look at the bigger picture - and the surrounding adverts are so revealing dontyathink. So, what do we think about the perceived audience of BH? Possibly that they are too inebriated by 11.20pm to care? Anyway, I am boring myself now - but it has just started again, so i will give it one more minute.
No still bored, so am going to bed.

Have learnt a hard lesson: never promote new cartoon shows willy nilly without consulting my fine friend Helen, who knows about these things. I am with you on this one Helen!

Lost

2005-08-26T21:43:00.000Z

I did promise (in vain) to get back to you about my engagement with 'Lost'. Well I have just watched episode 5 (all about Jack and his moody and just slightly alcoholic surgeon father) and am confident that I am hooked. I promise that I haven't read any of the episode descriptors for the forthcoming episodes - so I don't know if I am barking up the wrong gum tree... but I think that Mr Locke (my favourite from the start if you recall) is dead.
I also think that Kate is really annoying and I want to smack her on the head, and I think that Claire is fabulously brave - not at all concerned about her forthcoming labour, which MUST mean... that she is dead too. I think perhaps they are all dead except Jack and Kate who will procreate just in time to be rescued by a ship navigated by evil Penguins... sorry, that is Madagascar.
ENOUGH

I am going to stick with it just to see if I am right.
BY THE WAY, what is the young blonde girl in short skirt using to keep her legs so hair free. Actually, don't tell me because I would have to add it to my personal budget.

Did spend a sombre minute today pondering what ER will be like without Carter. If you are getting it yet across the pond, perhaps you could let us know.

Simply hair raising

2005-08-26T21:24:00.000Z

I really like my hairdresser. He lives and works for skiing, and has already booked six holidays for this coming winter and spring. His haircuts are legendary too. Infact, at my inaugral paper-giving session last summer, when I asked the audience of five if anyone had a question, there was only one: "you said that you come from Exeter - where do you get your hair cut?" YES REALLY. I was dead chuffed.
Anyway, I did wonder how he could afford to go skiing six times each year, and so I did a little bit of maths. I called it Clare's personal budget - and here's how it looked:

Clare’s personal budget

Hair
Cut £40 x 9 360
Colour +£60x3 180
Shampoo £10x9 100
Conditioner £10x9 100
Total 720

Face
Moisturiser £40x3 120
Oil £30x4 120
Darphin £50x2 100
Total 340

Eyes
CL £60x4 240
Check up £100x1 100
Total 340

Grand total 1400

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!!! £720 on having my hair cut off and bleached a bit - surely that is ridiculous. Please help me here. I need to know if this is within a reasonable spectrum.
BUT the interesting thing is this, Martin said - "well what are you going to do about it...?" and do you know what I said?
I said "nothing" BECAUSE I am a firm believer (as I told my fine friend Helen who has a BAFTA) that if your hair looks nice and you have a posh handbag, then nothing else matters at all.

What to wear to work this autumn

2005-08-24T13:24:00.000Z

Thank heavens for the Japanese environment ministry. They provide workers with useful information: like what they should be wearing to the office this autumn to avoid getting chilly when exposed to the new environmentally friendly 'Cool Biz' initiative.

The environment ministry advises extra thick socks, turtleneck sweaters and waistcoats. "We envision various combinations of dress, but thermal underwear is definitely going to be crucial," a ministry official told Reuters. "There's no doubt that 20C is a bit chilly, so if people don't take care and stay warm, they could become uncomfortable."

This sounds like a good look. I haven't worn a waistcoat since a Chas 'n' Dave party in the 80s... but what goes round comes round as they say. My office often feels about 20C, so I am going to give it a go - even though my office is in Devon and not Japan. It sounds like a good initiative so I am going to support it. Where can I buy a waistcoat?

Post Script - It would appear from their photo gallery that Chas 'n' Dave didn't actually wear waistcoats very much. But hang on - check out the discography section and the cover for 'Musn't Grumble....' there's one!!!

By the way, for the most magnificent thermals (or adventure clothing as I like to think of them), may I recommend the Icebreaker make. Pure Merino Wool from New Zealand. Pricey but simply FABULOUS to wear. Not at all scratchy - and the best wicking action you will find for your money.

For Mary... she who makes AND ices cakes

2005-08-23T21:48:00.000Z

Mary Plain has been making lovely cakes.. and icing them - and by sheer coincidence so has the Ultimate Consumer. Now, I know that I have been making poor UC the subject of my posts on rather too many occasions for his liking - but tonight will be the last for a while, and so I will end with a tour de force, a REAL show stopper. An image that Anthony Browne would be proud of...

First, the context:
My Grandmother's 85th birthday is on Thursday and she is partial to a nice piece of fruit cake with marzipan and icing. SO I make the cake and UC gets to use gadgets to ice it.

Now what I want you to notice are:

His rugged good looks
The wording on his Tshirt - any guesses. Clue: evidence of significant running achievement
Half a dishwasher 'tab' on the side - thrifty - but always prepared to invest in gadgetry on any scale
His lovely physiotherapist's hands - strong and sensitive - yougetme?
The fact that he was willing to Ice a cake because I am crap at anything arty at all and would have further trashed our already trashed kitchen.

But even more subtle - have you noticed where the gaze of the lens takes you?

YES, straight to a bottle of Mr Muscle nestled in the background between the bread bin and the knife holder. Now, how's that for subtext?

I am not sure about the empty levitating kitchen roll holder - a mystery for another day perhaps.

The Mastrad meat baster and the Switch it dual ended heat and stain resistant silicone spatula

2005-08-22T21:25:00.000Z

Brought to you, by special request: the UC and his latest gadgets. First his

Mastrad meat baster (shown in UCs left hand)
A "Baster for Life... An imperishable silicone bulb and an extra long, graduated tube ensures that this baster will see out many Sundays to come.
Complete with cleaning brush" (but of course!!)

and next (hand right), the cunningly named

Switch it dual ended long baster "Two spatulas in one, this dual-ended helper has been designed to reach into any corner, making easy work of mixing, stirring and spreading.
The thinner tip is ideal for reaching into jars and other containers where ordinary spatulas just can't go. Strengthened by a stainless steel inner, the soft, flexible silicone – heat-resistant to 260°C – is safe for use on all non-stick surfaces."

See how his eyes twinkle with joy!!!

Online mugging - whatever next?

2005-08-22T09:43:00.000Z

Well here is a fascinating news story. It seems that a canny young Chinese student has further interweaved social pursuits across on and offline spaces. Online mugging indeed!!! and then the conversion of virtual artefacts into real life lolly. This surely will inflame critics of children's computer games further. I mean OBVIOUSLY the very wicked act of playing this game incited the act of mugging in the first place.

Perversely, I think that it shows remarkable ingenuity - even if it is an immoral act. And at least no one got hurt. Infact, I think I will support online mugging as a preferable alternative to the use of knives and fists - until we do have some laws to govern the trading of virtual possessions.

The concept of virtual possessions is quite cool isn't it.

I am now trying to think of all my virtual possessions: my Blog obviously. Perhaps my comments on other people's blogs. Yes, they must be possessions because they do hold value don't they? After all, that poor wee lass in America was sacked for her defamatory postings. So blog postings must be possessions of sorts. Emails? Flickr images?

Now, I do know that in academic circles, the issue of ownership is not new - but I am enjoying having simple thoughts about it today.

I've been spammed

2005-08-21T11:59:00.000Z

I enjoyed the 9 interesting comments last night! For a minute I thought that I had gained fame in the blogosphere.

As Preston Pig might say " SILLY ME!!!"

A bad case of 'disembodied closeness'

2005-08-20T19:37:00.000Z

I have been reading lots of blogs today and thinking about the great people that I feel I have come to know better over the past few weeks as a blogger. I have also read a fabulous review of Mizuko Ito's new book, Personal, Portable, Pedestrian: Mobile phones in Japanese Life in Wired News. Here's my favourite piece of Xeni Jardin's review:

"Apart from the technology's role in sustaining familiar social structures, Personal, Portable, Pedestrian also examines how mobile devices facilitate new links, like that of the "intimate stranger."
Through controversial phone-dating websites or between text-message buddies, mobile media makes it possible for bonds to evolve between individuals who may never meet in real space, but who nonetheless share a vivid experience of disembodied closeness that follows them as they move through the world.
While traditional notions of cyberspace promise to unlock us from the limitations of offline relationships and geographic anchors, keitai space flows in and out of ordinary, everyday activities, nimbly integrating the virtual and physical realms."

Now this idea of 'disembodied closeness' interested me. As a blogger, I have the potential to experience "DC" - BUT, I think that I know all the people who post comments on my blog (thank you, thank you). SO accordingly, what I think I am experiencing is not a form of disembodied closeness to my fellow bloggers - but more a case of 'possibly on my best behaviour and trying to engage new friends, embodied in a range of professional and social contexts, but only ever partially represented closeness'. Yougetme???

Can we think then about different sorts of 'closeness' afforded by new technologies? A spectrum (I like those) from disembodied to embodied closeness that possibly engages different sorts of social identities? Perhaps I should shut up wittering and read the book!!!!

ANYWAY... This in turn has led me to think about the impact that - not merely the act of blogging - but the act of developing relationships online is having on me. I am really interested in Gee's ideas about social identities and Kevin Leander's ideas about lamination of identities, and cultural personas.... and am quite frankly (in a particularly self-absorbed sort of way) wondering just what sort of cultural persona I am presenting here.

So, I will think some more; get the book; and see where it gets me.

That's simply enough contemporary nagara for me tonight. I am trying to watch 'Lost' (episode 4 recorded on Wednesday), maintain a matrimonial state and do this, so signing off. Report on Lost and Bromwell High tomorrow.

blog burn out or let's go shopping?

2005-08-19T16:13:00.000Z

Greetings screen viewers
I am encountering a new phenomenon. I don't know what to write anymore! I am worrying that all my simple thoughts are simply too simple. This may be for several reasons:
1. Blog burn out - I have also experienced this with Soduku recently
2. Complete withdrawal from nightly glass of rioja or merlot or chenin blanc or goldwasser Polish vodka and uptake of consistent exercise regime
3. A tension of a lunar variety
or
4. Perhaps I have reached a plateau upon which I will perch for some days before upping the anti some more? (Any ideas on what upping the anti entails - and feedback on spelling greatly appreciated)

Speaking as a runner and qualified RSA/YMCA exercise to music instructor (London Centrepoint 1993), I know about the plateau. You have to do something different to get off it. You can't just keep doing the same old thing. Now, if I was exercising to music, this might involve a little burst of star jumping at the end of a double-grapevine. If I was running, it might involve a bit of fartlek training.

Ultimately though, having experienced the plateau before, I know that only one thing will truly work.... RETAIL THERAPY CONNECTED TO BLOGGING. I want a new laptop of my very own. One that is simply 'ultra mobile perfection'.

Martin, I hope that you read this and forgive me for all the mean things that I have incited people to say about you. Please can we buy me a new laptop very soon?

By the way... Bromwell High begins tonight at 11.20. A must for those of us in education methinks - although be warned ye of frail dispositions: there is a chance that it may be a little cheeky!

By the by the way... Martin has just returned from Lakeland Plastic (his second favourite afternoon out after Snow and Rock) with a Mastrad meat baster and a Switch It dual-ended 650degree Fahrenheit heat and stain resistant long spatula.

censorship and a resurrected hooby

2005-08-16T08:34:00.000Z

I have decided to remove the last posting because the more I read of the linked blog, the more offensive I found it! Sorry if you missed it - you will never know what I am talking about.

Instead I will introduce you to a past hooby (GREAT TYPO SO i AM KEEPING IT IN) of mine that I am thinking of resurrecting: Off-road running.

I haven't always been simple Clare you know. In the past I had another alter-ego (or should I say social identity?). I was Clare "Double-ard" Dowdall, queen of distance off-road running events - and to prove it, if you google 'double ard dowdall' - or simply press this link - you will find the evidence!

Anyway shall I/ shan't I begin again? My greatest achievement was the Grizzly, five years running. Even Martin (Double Ard) Dowdall didn't manage this. The Grizzly involved mud, cliffs, shingle beaches, the scabbiest feet you can possibly imagine and a fabulous appetite. Hmmm appealing. But I am getting old and slowing down... really slowing down. I walk more slowly and even turn my head more slowly. What I put this down to is deep breathing exercises and yoga. THIS CAN'T BE GOOD. I don't want to slow down anymore. I like going fast!!! But here is the conundrum: if you go slowly, do you last longer? OR if you go more quickly, do you keep going longer? hmmmmmm.

ANYWAY, what I am trying to decide is whether to attempt this at the end of October - or if this may be too much, what about this at the beginning of October (half not whole).

Yesterday I managed five decent road miles, and I have done a wee bit of moor stomping recently - so shall I do it? I have got a few weeks, a minimal bounce bra, and the inclination... so whadyathink?????? ( a rhetorical question of course)

Post Secret

2005-08-14T20:37:00.000Z

I am pretty sure that I am the last person in the world to have visited the Post Secret blog - and am also pretty sure that I have seen it on someone else's blog recently (apologies)... BUT read about it today in The Observer Magazine which fuelled me to take a look. It is intriguing - and is updated every week - so if you haven't visited for a while, perhaps you might like to drop by.

Here is Martin inocculating Mildred the sheep

2005-08-14T16:02:00.000Z

I am sorry. I have resisted posting this for 23 hours... but I couldn't help myself!

You may be wondering who is 'restraining' Mildred... well it is my lovely brother-in-law, Tony.

Here he is again, catching George - Mildred's unsuccessfully castrated brother (but that is another story). On weekdays, Tony is an accountant.

Can I assure you that when the vet visited to innoculate George and Mildred the first time, he had to rugby-tackle them to the ground too. Apparently sheep don't like having injections. Can I also assure you that Martin has undertaken professional injection therapy training (but not for sheep).

Both sheep recovered quickly from their ordeal and have resumed normal sheep-like behaviour. I am still waiting to find out about Tony.

More TV punditry.... Say a BIG hello to Bromwell High

2005-08-14T12:51:00.000Z

Well ok Dr Joolz - don't watch "Lost" - I can accept your fatigue with TV of all sorts at the moment.... BUT I think it will be irresponsible of you (and all the rest of you) not to give this a go... Bromwell High - a kind of South Park meets Grange Hill? Apparently it was due to be set in Streatham but the South London Education Authority complained too much. A BIG mistake I think; A well to the jay bad big mistake!

Anyway, follow this link to meet all the characters. I am most drawn to Latrina at the moment, but am a teensy bit alarmed by the description of the English teacher.

Carol Jackson, an English teacher in her 30s who wears organic clothes and reads the Guardian, is voiced by Doon Mackichan from Smack the Pony. Carol understands people of all races and creeds - except her husband, Martin. She is frustrated both sexually and in terms of her career but will never leave either Martin or the school.

hmmmmmmmm........

Lost

2005-08-11T08:10:00.000Z

Jumping on the bandwagon with me? Even though I only saw episode 2 last night, I am hooked already. Will watch episode one over the weekend and feedback if necessary. My favourite so far is the girl who has given herself a pedicure... but that may change of course.
If you need MORE than a weekly fix, go here for details about episodes ten and eleven! I promise that SO strong-willed am I, I haven't peeked beyond the home page. Honest!

AND THERE'S A GAME!!!!

The internet - "a substrate for humanity"

2005-08-09T13:39:00.000Z

In an attempt to redeem some professional (AB) crrrrrredibility here is something interesting for you:
Sir Tim Berners-Lee created the first website in 1991. Tonight he is talking about blogging and creativity on the internet on Newsnight. It looks good!

And a question: Martin wonders whether in Newcastle they have Why-Aye Pods? He is allowed to ask this because he is Welsh.

Get with the beat Baggy

2005-08-09T13:14:00.000Z

Apparently camping is very IN. It is also the recreational pastime for the AB professional classes (I know about this because I did a diploma in advertising at Watford College - now the university of Watford I think). It also allows one to pur-chase many new gadgets. Martin now feels truly vindicated in his ultimate consumer lifestyle and will be a nightmare for the next two days perusing the net for more camping gadgets to acompany his very many.

Have I arrived? Have I got with the beat - or even helped initiate this beat? Am I a member of the AB professional class?

and on Sunday they call us 'Heidi'

2005-08-09T09:34:00.000Z

and on Sunday they call us 'Heidi'
Originally uploaded by simply Clare.

Well, here is some evidence of what we like to call "Rough camping". We walked 22 kms over "rough" Dartmoor carrying about a quarter of our bodyweight each. Our route began from Lydford and meandered to Fur Tor via Tavy Cleave on Saturday, and back via Great Links Tor on Sunday.

This photo shows the two Clares yomping through long snake-infested grass. Not in the photo are Martin and Lee. You will have to find my "Rough camping" on Dartmoor set to see them. Also absent are the rest of Clare's family - Di and Matthew. They are also stalwart "rough campers" and like nothing more than venturing onto the wilds of the Moor to endure Wayfarer boil in the bags and tic invasions. Unfortunately they couldn't join us this time... but we are already planning our next Dartmoor "rough camping" adventure, and they will be featuring. Watch this space.

Meworlds interconnected

2005-08-05T16:42:00.000Z

Well that's it. I have been spotted. All the way over the pond on the other side, Wade Roush has found my admiring comments - and admired them back on his continuous computing blog! Currently he is in Africa, examining how life without access to such continuous computing possibilities might feel. So check out his meworld!
(Relief as normal posting resumes following rather exhausting birthday activity. This weekend merely rough camping on Dartmoor. Read into that what you will).

Epsom Youth Theatre Reunited - The Final Conflict

2005-08-04T18:52:00.000Z

Now, Dr Joolz has raised an important point: just how lucky I am to have real friends (very true Dr Joolz, very true) to share my birthday with ... so I thought that I should point out that the friends who came for Paul's fiftieth and my not nearly fiftieth birthday are in fact friends from some 24 years ago, when we all (recent spouses excepted/ accepted too mainly!) belonged to that hotbed of thespian talent - Epsom Youth Theatre. Oh we were good. We were very, very good - and all I can say is that given the time and inclination, I would scan in some 'photographs' from the predigi era to share with you. Another time perhaps.

ANYWAY by Saturday evening, other EYT members had arrived to celebrate with us. Here are Sarah and Robert. Sarah has played many great parts in her time, including Anne Frank and a baby Kangaroo. I am not sure what or who Robert has played as he is an accepted spouse, but he sure does know his wine.

Steve and Jackie turned up too. Stephen's defining moment came as a waiter who couldn't say his 'Rs'. THAT was a weal show stopper. Jackie has many talents too. Even in a sling. Enough said.

Below, I shall recount the evening in as much digiglory as I have the courage too. It did involve singing, and acting, and speeches, and balloons, and abuse, and outrageous flirtation, oh and did I mention eating and drinking too much? - infact, all the things that we were learning to do some 24 years ago, which just shows that true inculcation cannot be deviated from no matter how grand you might become in the meantime.

Here we go then:

Yes. I am afraid that I did climb the cage that protected the wine cellar in a thong, wearing handcuffs - but HEY that's what you do with REAL friends.

Now, I could go on and recount the boat trip on Sunday or the curry on Sunday evening, or the actual walk on my actual birthday on Monday - but I just can't be bothered. It has taken a long time I know, but I have bored myself so BYE BYE BIRTHDAY for another year, and here's to 39!!!!!!! (Paul will be 51 and not worth inviting anymore).

Birthday weekend part 2

2005-08-03T19:30:00.000Z

So here we are on Saturday morning, sitting on Dartmoor at Grimspound an ancient Bronze age settlement. We believe that this ancient relic was an early hot tub - or perhaps jacuzzi - used primarily for staving off aches and pains having done a bit of wolf hunting and bronze implement making.

Here we are on Hookney Tor. Dartmoor is famous for its granite tors.

Did you know that while our digital world is becoming incresingly aggregated, these granite microcosms are suffering from disaggregation! And I didn't learn that on my geography field trip to Slapton 20 years ago!

Now, believe it or not, I am a fairly seasoned Dartmoor visitor, and so feel qualified to advise that the people in these photographs are not quite adequately equipped for venturing on to the high moor. If you are going to try this, please bring a GPS (Martin of course has one), a packed lunch, and a blanket to sit on. To ensure that we didn't put ourselves in undue risk we also had an Audi A4 at the bottom of the hill - just to be really safe.

I LOVE this photo - except if you look really closely, you can see evidence of my mouth not having completely deswelled since the incident reported several weekends ago. By the way, those laughter lines on my forehead, I didn't have any until I began teaching.

So... after all our healthy exploits, we returned home to prepare for the arrival of the rest of the gang who were staying at the Hotel Barcelona. More to follow...

My birthday weekend

2005-08-03T15:28:00.000Z

It was my birthday this weekend and many lovely friends came to Devon to share it, including Paul who also had his birthday. He was 5o!!!!!

Here's what happened:

First, Marty cut the grass.

Then Helen and Mick turned up in their posh car, bearing salad.

Helen was my bridesmaid. A long long time ago.

Paul and Laura, Helen and Mick arrived in the evening with plenty of real champagne. Then, following real champagne, we had some Jamie Oliver Kinda Spag Bol.

Dr Joolz, MaryPlain, please note the gadgets including Kenwood Mini chopper used to whiz up sun-dried tomatoes (no tomatoe puree for us), Russell Hobbs coffee bean grinder, Vev Vigano Espresso maker, Le Creuset Casserole (not a gadget - but I like it), and of course... the Smeg dual oven thing. All pur-chased by the ultimate consumer himself. Note also the bare plaster and fat splashes for we cannot afford to decorate as well as buy gadgets.

Here we are enjoying aforesaid Spag Bol and olive bread.

Please particularly note the olive bread made breadmaker - which is not a white elephant in our house.

Please also note hint of bare plaster (far left)where wall fell down when the ultimate consumer tried to self-install the ultimate cooking machine

And here is Paul. He is fifty.

After that, I am afraid that the evening became silly - and only 7 of us had gathered, for this was merely Friday evening, and the best was yet to come.

We finished the evening by mediating our lived experiences and contributing to the creation of our meworlds (and usworlds I think Thomas De Z.)

Can you guess which of the above
a) used to work on HMS blah blah blah?
b) is frequently stopped by customs officials?
c) is of Welsh stock?

Anyway. That is the end of Friday. Saturday will follow soon.