Thursday, September 08, 2005

What a spectacle

Today I tried to purchase some new spectacles. This was a humiliating experience. First I learnt that I have reached an age when the optician has to puff air at your eyeballs. This made me scream a little bit. Then I went to a darkened room where another man turned my eyelids inside out. Through this, I kept entirely silent.
Then I was taken downstairs and handed various frames to try. Some were too up-turned at the corners; some too harsh for my colouring; some too big (although apparently we won't be able to get them big enough soon as the 'Deirdre' look is back. - For my overseas blurkers, 'Dierdre' is a very famous character from Coronation Street. She used to thrust her neck outwards in a way that I can, and do replicate, and say "Ken, Ken, Don't leave me Ken". Then she married several murderers and murderees if I remember correctly. Anyway I digress.) I thought that you might like to see just how hard it is to be me. Here is why buying glasses is tricky:
1. I have a pin-head
2. I have a slightly big nose with a wide bridge - which wouldn't be big if my head wasn't pin-like
3. Because I am small, I don't want to look through a frame at peoples' faces, so I want glasses like a snooker player and they don't appear to sell these at my opticians
4. My ears are not level
4. My hair is very crap at the moment
5. I have learnt that glasses create an image - and I don't want one.

Anyway, the very kind man who had turned my eyelids inside out, took pity on me and let me bring four pairs home - all of which make a "very different statement". Perhaps you would like to share what you think the statement is. Here are my suggestions:
Les Dawson would look good in these
Is that Dierdre's neck I can see?

I may stick with may daily disposable lenses - but would welcome any feedback.

By the way... here is Dierdre. Isn't she marvellous?


Blogger Dr. Rob said...

Can I be the first to say...

Should have gone to SpecSavers!

6:25 PM  
Blogger Mary Plain said...

I hate the puffy blowy thing. I also hate all those hard questions about, is the circle clearer like this? or like this? which I always find very hard. None of these make you look quite like Deirdre.. you just aren't sad enough!

7:07 PM  
Blogger Joolz said...

Deirdre is absolutely marvellous.
By God she can act.
And so can her glasses.

That man at the opticians may be kind to have let you bring those home.However he is a desperate man.
he has an opticians shop with bad glasses.
Please go to Specsavers and do not believe the thing about big glasses.
And your hair is not crap.
I like it.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Simply Clare said...

Doesn't anyone like any of them? Advice is needed. Plastic or metal at least? Big or small? Help ME!!!

9:35 AM  
Blogger Dr. Rob said...

Calm Down Calm Down you're just having a frame vs image panic attack. This is a very common occurence for us four-eyes. It is a a very fine balance between looking extremely intellegent (like what I do) in your specs or Deidre-like.

As you work at a presdigious university it behoves you to look intelligent and not like someone from up t'north. (I think you need to look at the small print of your contract - by the way, if you work in front of a computer, the university will pay for your eye examination)

So I will repeat and underline the earlier advice given by me and Dr Joolz GO TO SPECSAVERS, they have many many pairs on disply many of which will make you look like an intellectual, go for the very small ovally shaped lenses, like the very trendy and intellectual Europeans wear.

11:18 AM  
Blogger the invisible romantic said...

Haha. Not sure I understand the appeal of snooker glasses....

I am sure, however, those are some pretty terrible frames. Dr Rob is right: less is more.

Better luck next time.

12:16 PM  
Blogger guy said...

Was the green circle larger than the red one, that's what I want to know.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Joolz said...

Keep up Guy.

7:46 PM  
Blogger Simply Clare said...

Thank you one and all. I am going to go to Specsavers.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Dr. Rob said...


Go here first:

Then Here:

Then Here:

9:48 AM  
Blogger Simply Clare said...

Dr Rob this is marvellous. I am too scared to buy online - but have had the best fun trying the glasses on. Thank you!

6:13 PM  
Blogger Dr. Rob said...

Have you got lost on the way to specsavers, tell us the truth must out!

7:41 PM  
Blogger Simply Clare said...

I went to Mr Chaterjee's, then specsavers, then specsavers, then vision express, then specsavers, then vision express, then specsavers, then vision express and bought some in an hour yesterday. Very speedy in vision express indeed. I recommend them. They have been much admired today - and I may blog them tomorrow.

10:29 PM  

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