Virtual worlds in the classroom

Found this on the BBC pages tonight - an account of a teacher using Myst games with his pupils in the classroom. Sounds like fun - and even more impressive, the reporter still managed to bring Tim around to how many level fours he gets! Sometimes there's just no getting away from the real business of education is there?

Lemon Surprise pudding indeed

Today I actually got round to reading the Sunday paper. And the Saturday paper (broadsheets - not 'dreadful' ones of course). I read all the sections. I even read the home design, the gardening and the cookery pages. And I felt so pleased with myself.... " Don't I have a nice life... Shouldn't I be pleased to be me... I can do whatever I want to on this Bank Holiday... I only need please myself. I know, I will make 'Lemon Surprise pudding' (p.47 Sunday Times Style magazine it has nursery food qualities - the soft sponge topping and lemony custard beneath is a sublime combination)... How fabulous to be able to do just what takes my fancy... Excellent, I can use U.C's double ended silicone spatula... Well that was simple... pop it in... ready in 45 minutes..."

Well here's the surprise... It was BLOOMIN' DIGUSTING

Here are the ingredients:
50g butter
grated rind and juice of one lemon
90g caster sugar
2 eggs separated
15g plain flour sifted
300ml milk

Basically, you cream bits together, then add the milk and stiff egg whites, then cook it for 45 minutes at 180.

What did I do wrong? FORGET creamy custard. Mine had water under a soggy curdled sponge that tasted unspeakable. I am not that good at puddings - but this was meant to be a good, SMUG kind of day. And it wasn't good any more.

WHY DIDn't IT WORK??? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? PLEASE HELP!!!

Gone but not forgotten

I am not going to name you - I wouldn't dream of it - but why did you remove the post? I received it as an email and really liked it. Our newspapers are dreadful - and it is very hard to know which version of any story to believe. I usually read the Guardian, the Independent and BBC news online. And in the evenings, I watch Lost and Bromwell High!

Bromwell High

I also promised to comment on BH last week - and then forgot. Prompted by my fine friend Helen's reminder, I am going to undertake a live blog posting at 11.20 tonight. Obviously, it may be a little more raw than my usual carefully crafted contributions - and possibly a rather exciting first for me... so tune in if you wish... 15 minutes and counting.

I am waiting with my battery still brim full for Bromwell High (lovely poetic tones). The trailer has just announced that it is going to be about the perfect prefect. Carefully positioned adverts to appeal to viewing audience of teachers and others in education are appearing, e.g. 'hip' music and films: Black-Eyed Peas and 'The forty year old virgin'. Nice touch advertising industry.

Here we go. Strong language warning, risque Nintendo DS 'touch me' trailer... and let it roll.
Bit with kids on bus: rubbish
Bit in staffroom: quite funny
Bit in RE classroom: very funny, very unpolitically correct - or politically incorrect (Chris Best - did you like it?)
Bit with headteacher: embarassingly appalingly written and not funny at all

Adverts
Mazda
City and Guilds
Horror film
Lacoste essential - the new fragrance for Men
Castlemaine XXXX
Road safety for teenagers
Horror film
Reality programme about staying in a 1950s style holiday camp

I always find it interesting to look at the bigger picture - and the surrounding adverts are so revealing dontyathink. So, what do we think about the perceived audience of BH? Possibly that they are too inebriated by 11.20pm to care? Anyway, I am boring myself now - but it has just started again, so i will give it one more minute.
No still bored, so am going to bed.

Have learnt a hard lesson: never promote new cartoon shows willy nilly without consulting my fine friend Helen, who knows about these things. I am with you on this one Helen!

Lost

I did promise (in vain) to get back to you about my engagement with 'Lost'. Well I have just watched episode 5 (all about Jack and his moody and just slightly alcoholic surgeon father) and am confident that I am hooked. I promise that I haven't read any of the episode descriptors for the forthcoming episodes - so I don't know if I am barking up the wrong gum tree... but I think that Mr Locke (my favourite from the start if you recall) is dead.
I also think that Kate is really annoying and I want to smack her on the head, and I think that Claire is fabulously brave - not at all concerned about her forthcoming labour, which MUST mean... that she is dead too. I think perhaps they are all dead except Jack and Kate who will procreate just in time to be rescued by a ship navigated by evil Penguins... sorry, that is Madagascar.
ENOUGH

I am going to stick with it just to see if I am right.
BY THE WAY, what is the young blonde girl in short skirt using to keep her legs so hair free. Actually, don't tell me because I would have to add it to my personal budget.

Did spend a sombre minute today pondering what ER will be like without Carter. If you are getting it yet across the pond, perhaps you could let us know.

Simply hair raising

I really like my hairdresser. He lives and works for skiing, and has already booked six holidays for this coming winter and spring. His haircuts are legendary too. Infact, at my inaugral paper-giving session last summer, when I asked the audience of five if anyone had a question, there was only one: "you said that you come from Exeter - where do you get your hair cut?" YES REALLY. I was dead chuffed.
Anyway, I did wonder how he could afford to go skiing six times each year, and so I did a little bit of maths. I called it Clare's personal budget - and here's how it looked:

Clare’s personal budget

Hair
Cut £40 x 9 360
Colour +£60x3 180
Shampoo £10x9 100
Conditioner £10x9 100
Total 720

Face
Moisturiser £40x3 120
Oil £30x4 120
Darphin £50x2 100
Total 340

Eyes
CL £60x4 240
Check up £100x1 100
Total 340

Grand total 1400

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!!! £720 on having my hair cut off and bleached a bit - surely that is ridiculous. Please help me here. I need to know if this is within a reasonable spectrum.
BUT the interesting thing is this, Martin said - "well what are you going to do about it...?" and do you know what I said?
I said "nothing" BECAUSE I am a firm believer (as I told my fine friend Helen who has a BAFTA) that if your hair looks nice and you have a posh handbag, then nothing else matters at all.

What to wear to work this autumn

Thank heavens for the Japanese environment ministry. They provide workers with useful information: like what they should be wearing to the office this autumn to avoid getting chilly when exposed to the new environmentally friendly 'Cool Biz' initiative.

The environment ministry advises extra thick socks, turtleneck sweaters and waistcoats. "We envision various combinations of dress, but thermal underwear is definitely going to be crucial," a ministry official told Reuters. "There's no doubt that 20C is a bit chilly, so if people don't take care and stay warm, they could become uncomfortable."

This sounds like a good look. I haven't worn a waistcoat since a Chas 'n' Dave party in the 80s... but what goes round comes round as they say. My office often feels about 20C, so I am going to give it a go - even though my office is in Devon and not Japan. It sounds like a good initiative so I am going to support it. Where can I buy a waistcoat?

Post Script - It would appear from their photo gallery that Chas 'n' Dave didn't actually wear waistcoats very much. But hang on - check out the discography section and the cover for 'Musn't Grumble....' there's one!!!

By the way, for the most magnificent thermals (or adventure clothing as I like to think of them), may I recommend the Icebreaker make. Pure Merino Wool from New Zealand. Pricey but simply FABULOUS to wear. Not at all scratchy - and the best wicking action you will find for your money.

For Mary... she who makes AND ices cakes

Mary Plain has been making lovely cakes.. and icing them - and by sheer coincidence so has the Ultimate Consumer. Now, I know that I have been making poor UC the subject of my posts on rather too many occasions for his liking - but tonight will be the last for a while, and so I will end with a tour de force, a REAL show stopper. An image that Anthony Browne would be proud of...

First, the context:
My Grandmother's 85th birthday is on Thursday and she is partial to a nice piece of fruit cake with marzipan and icing. SO I make the cake and UC gets to use gadgets to ice it.




Now what I want you to notice are:

1. His rugged good looks
2. The wording on his Tshirt - any guesses. Clue: evidence of significant running achievement
3. Half a dishwasher 'tab' on the side - thrifty - but always prepared to invest in gadgetry on any scale
4. His lovely physiotherapist's hands - strong and sensitive - yougetme?
5. The fact that he was willing to Ice a cake because I am crap at anything arty at all and would have further trashed our already trashed kitchen.

But even more subtle - have you noticed where the gaze of the lens takes you?

YES, straight to a bottle of Mr Muscle nestled in the background between the bread bin and the knife holder. Now, how's that for subtext?

I am not sure about the empty levitating kitchen roll holder - a mystery for another day perhaps.

The Mastrad meat baster and the Switch it dual ended heat and stain resistant silicone spatula

Brought to you, by special request: the UC and his latest gadgets. First his

• Mastrad meat baster (shown in UCs left hand)
  A "Baster for Life... An imperishable silicone bulb and an extra long, graduated tube ensures that this baster will see out many Sundays to come.
  Complete with cleaning brush" (but of course!!)

and next (hand right), the cunningly named

• Switch it dual ended long baster "Two spatulas in one, this dual-ended helper has been designed to reach into any corner, making easy work of mixing, stirring and spreading.
  The thinner tip is ideal for reaching into jars and other containers where ordinary spatulas just can't go. Strengthened by a stainless steel inner, the soft, flexible silicone – heat-resistant to 260°C – is safe for use on all non-stick surfaces."

See how his eyes twinkle with joy!!!

Online mugging - whatever next?

Well here is a fascinating news story. It seems that a canny young Chinese student has further interweaved social pursuits across on and offline spaces. Online mugging indeed!!! and then the conversion of virtual artefacts into real life lolly. This surely will inflame critics of children's computer games further. I mean OBVIOUSLY the very wicked act of playing this game incited the act of mugging in the first place.

Perversely, I think that it shows remarkable ingenuity - even if it is an immoral act. And at least no one got hurt. Infact, I think I will support online mugging as a preferable alternative to the use of knives and fists - until we do have some laws to govern the trading of virtual possessions.

The concept of virtual possessions is quite cool isn't it.

I am now trying to think of all my virtual possessions: my Blog obviously. Perhaps my comments on other people's blogs. Yes, they must be possessions because they do hold value don't they? After all, that poor wee lass in America was sacked for her defamatory postings. So blog postings must be possessions of sorts. Emails? Flickr images?

Now, I do know that in academic circles, the issue of ownership is not new - but I am enjoying having simple thoughts about it today.

I've been spammed

I enjoyed the 9 interesting comments last night! For a minute I thought that I had gained fame in the blogosphere.

As Preston Pig might say " SILLY ME!!!"

A bad case of 'disembodied closeness'

I have been reading lots of blogs today and thinking about the great people that I feel I have come to know better over the past few weeks as a blogger. I have also read a fabulous review of Mizuko Ito's new book, Personal, Portable, Pedestrian: Mobile phones in Japanese Life in Wired News. Here's my favourite piece of Xeni Jardin's review:

"Apart from the technology's role in sustaining familiar social structures, Personal, Portable, Pedestrian also examines how mobile devices facilitate new links, like that of the "intimate stranger."
Through controversial phone-dating websites or between text-message buddies, mobile media makes it possible for bonds to evolve between individuals who may never meet in real space, but who nonetheless share a vivid experience of disembodied closeness that follows them as they move through the world.
While traditional notions of cyberspace promise to unlock us from the limitations of offline relationships and geographic anchors, keitai space flows in and out of ordinary, everyday activities, nimbly integrating the virtual and physical realms."

Now this idea of 'disembodied closeness' interested me. As a blogger, I have the potential to experience "DC" - BUT, I think that I know all the people who post comments on my blog (thank you, thank you). SO accordingly, what I think I am experiencing is not a form of disembodied closeness to my fellow bloggers - but more a case of 'possibly on my best behaviour and trying to engage new friends, embodied in a range of professional and social contexts, but only ever partially represented closeness'. Yougetme???

Can we think then about different sorts of 'closeness' afforded by new technologies? A spectrum (I like those) from disembodied to embodied closeness that possibly engages different sorts of social identities? Perhaps I should shut up wittering and read the book!!!!

ANYWAY... This in turn has led me to think about the impact that - not merely the act of blogging - but the act of developing relationships online is having on me. I am really interested in Gee's ideas about social identities and Kevin Leander's ideas about lamination of identities, and cultural personas.... and am quite frankly (in a particularly self-absorbed sort of way) wondering just what sort of cultural persona I am presenting here.

So, I will think some more; get the book; and see where it gets me.

That's simply enough contemporary nagara for me tonight. I am trying to watch 'Lost' (episode 4 recorded on Wednesday), maintain a matrimonial state and do this, so signing off. Report on Lost and Bromwell High tomorrow.

blog burn out or let's go shopping?

Greetings screen viewers
I am encountering a new phenomenon. I don't know what to write anymore! I am worrying that all my simple thoughts are simply too simple. This may be for several reasons:
1. Blog burn out - I have also experienced this with Soduku recently
2. Complete withdrawal from nightly glass of rioja or merlot or chenin blanc or goldwasser Polish vodka and uptake of consistent exercise regime
3. A tension of a lunar variety
or
4. Perhaps I have reached a plateau upon which I will perch for some days before upping the anti some more? (Any ideas on what upping the anti entails - and feedback on spelling greatly appreciated)

Speaking as a runner and qualified RSA/YMCA exercise to music instructor (London Centrepoint 1993), I know about the plateau. You have to do something different to get off it. You can't just keep doing the same old thing. Now, if I was exercising to music, this might involve a little burst of star jumping at the end of a double-grapevine. If I was running, it might involve a bit of fartlek training.

Ultimately though, having experienced the plateau before, I know that only one thing will truly work.... RETAIL THERAPY CONNECTED TO BLOGGING. I want a new laptop of my very own. One that is simply 'ultra mobile perfection'.

Martin, I hope that you read this and forgive me for all the mean things that I have incited people to say about you. Please can we buy me a new laptop very soon?

By the way... Bromwell High begins tonight at 11.20. A must for those of us in education methinks - although be warned ye of frail dispositions: there is a chance that it may be a little cheeky!

By the by the way... Martin has just returned from Lakeland Plastic (his second favourite afternoon out after Snow and Rock) with a Mastrad meat baster and a Switch It dual-ended 650degree Fahrenheit heat and stain resistant long spatula.

censorship and a resurrected hooby

I have decided to remove the last posting because the more I read of the linked blog, the more offensive I found it! Sorry if you missed it - you will never know what I am talking about.

Instead I will introduce you to a past hooby (GREAT TYPO SO i AM KEEPING IT IN) of mine that I am thinking of resurrecting: Off-road running.

I haven't always been simple Clare you know. In the past I had another alter-ego (or should I say social identity?). I was Clare "Double-ard" Dowdall, queen of distance off-road running events - and to prove it, if you google 'double ard dowdall' - or simply press this link - you will find the evidence!

Anyway shall I/ shan't I begin again? My greatest achievement was the Grizzly, five years running. Even Martin (Double Ard) Dowdall didn't manage this. The Grizzly involved mud, cliffs, shingle beaches, the scabbiest feet you can possibly imagine and a fabulous appetite. Hmmm appealing. But I am getting old and slowing down... really slowing down. I walk more slowly and even turn my head more slowly. What I put this down to is deep breathing exercises and yoga. THIS CAN'T BE GOOD. I don't want to slow down anymore. I like going fast!!! But here is the conundrum: if you go slowly, do you last longer? OR if you go more quickly, do you keep going longer? hmmmmmm.

ANYWAY, what I am trying to decide is whether to attempt this at the end of October - or if this may be too much, what about this at the beginning of October (half not whole).

Yesterday I managed five decent road miles, and I have done a wee bit of moor stomping recently - so shall I do it? I have got a few weeks, a minimal bounce bra, and the inclination... so whadyathink?????? ( a rhetorical question of course)

Post Secret

I am pretty sure that I am the last person in the world to have visited the Post Secret blog - and am also pretty sure that I have seen it on someone else's blog recently (apologies)... BUT read about it today in The Observer Magazine which fuelled me to take a look. It is intriguing - and is updated every week - so if you haven't visited for a while, perhaps you might like to drop by.

Here is Martin inocculating Mildred the sheep

I am sorry. I have resisted posting this for 23 hours... but I couldn't help myself!

You may be wondering who is 'restraining' Mildred... well it is my lovely brother-in-law, Tony.





Here he is again, catching George - Mildred's unsuccessfully castrated brother (but that is another story). On weekdays, Tony is an accountant.

Can I assure you that when the vet visited to innoculate George and Mildred the first time, he had to rugby-tackle them to the ground too. Apparently sheep don't like having injections. Can I also assure you that Martin has undertaken professional injection therapy training (but not for sheep).

Both sheep recovered quickly from their ordeal and have resumed normal sheep-like behaviour. I am still waiting to find out about Tony.

More TV punditry.... Say a BIG hello to Bromwell High

Well ok Dr Joolz - don't watch "Lost" - I can accept your fatigue with TV of all sorts at the moment.... BUT I think it will be irresponsible of you (and all the rest of you) not to give this a go... Bromwell High - a kind of South Park meets Grange Hill? Apparently it was due to be set in Streatham but the South London Education Authority complained too much. A BIG mistake I think; A well to the jay bad big mistake!

Anyway, follow this link to meet all the characters. I am most drawn to Latrina at the moment, but am a teensy bit alarmed by the description of the English teacher.

Carol Jackson, an English teacher in her 30s who wears organic clothes and reads the Guardian, is voiced by Doon Mackichan from Smack the Pony. Carol understands people of all races and creeds - except her husband, Martin. She is frustrated both sexually and in terms of her career but will never leave either Martin or the school.

hmmmmmmmm........

Lost

Jumping on the bandwagon with me? Even though I only saw episode 2 last night, I am hooked already. Will watch episode one over the weekend and feedback if necessary. My favourite so far is the girl who has given herself a pedicure... but that may change of course.
If you need MORE than a weekly fix, go here for details about episodes ten and eleven! I promise that SO strong-willed am I, I haven't peeked beyond the home page. Honest!

AND THERE'S A GAME!!!!

The internet - "a substrate for humanity"

In an attempt to redeem some professional (AB) crrrrrredibility here is something interesting for you:
Sir Tim Berners-Lee created the first website in 1991. Tonight he is talking about blogging and creativity on the internet on Newsnight. It looks good!

And a question: Martin wonders whether in Newcastle they have Why-Aye Pods? He is allowed to ask this because he is Welsh.

Get with the beat Baggy

Apparently camping is very IN. It is also the recreational pastime for the AB professional classes (I know about this because I did a diploma in advertising at Watford College - now the university of Watford I think). It also allows one to pur-chase many new gadgets. Martin now feels truly vindicated in his ultimate consumer lifestyle and will be a nightmare for the next two days perusing the net for more camping gadgets to acompany his very many.

Have I arrived? Have I got with the beat - or even helped initiate this beat? Am I a member of the AB professional class?

and on Sunday they call us 'Heidi'

and on Sunday they call us 'Heidi'
Originally uploaded by simply Clare.

Well, here is some evidence of what we like to call "Rough camping". We walked 22 kms over "rough" Dartmoor carrying about a quarter of our bodyweight each. Our route began from Lydford and meandered to Fur Tor via Tavy Cleave on Saturday, and back via Great Links Tor on Sunday.

This photo shows the two Clares yomping through long snake-infested grass. Not in the photo are Martin and Lee. You will have to find my "Rough camping" on Dartmoor set to see them. Also absent are the rest of Clare's family - Di and Matthew. They are also stalwart "rough campers" and like nothing more than venturing onto the wilds of the Moor to endure Wayfarer boil in the bags and tic invasions. Unfortunately they couldn't join us this time... but we are already planning our next Dartmoor "rough camping" adventure, and they will be featuring. Watch this space.

Meworlds interconnected

Well that's it. I have been spotted. All the way over the pond on the other side, Wade Roush has found my admiring comments - and admired them back on his continuous computing blog! Currently he is in Africa, examining how life without access to such continuous computing possibilities might feel. So check out his meworld!
(Relief as normal posting resumes following rather exhausting birthday activity. This weekend merely rough camping on Dartmoor. Read into that what you will).

Epsom Youth Theatre Reunited - The Final Conflict

Now, Dr Joolz has raised an important point: just how lucky I am to have real friends (very true Dr Joolz, very true) to share my birthday with ... so I thought that I should point out that the friends who came for Paul's fiftieth and my not nearly fiftieth birthday are in fact friends from some 24 years ago, when we all (recent spouses excepted/ accepted too mainly!) belonged to that hotbed of thespian talent - Epsom Youth Theatre. Oh we were good. We were very, very good - and all I can say is that given the time and inclination, I would scan in some 'photographs' from the predigi era to share with you. Another time perhaps.

ANYWAY by Saturday evening, other EYT members had arrived to celebrate with us. Here are Sarah and Robert. Sarah has played many great parts in her time, including Anne Frank and a baby Kangaroo. I am not sure what or who Robert has played as he is an accepted spouse, but he sure does know his wine.


Steve and Jackie turned up too. Stephen's defining moment came as a waiter who couldn't say his 'Rs'. THAT was a weal show stopper. Jackie has many talents too. Even in a sling. Enough said.


Below, I shall recount the evening in as much digiglory as I have the courage too. It did involve singing, and acting, and speeches, and balloons, and abuse, and outrageous flirtation, oh and did I mention eating and drinking too much? - infact, all the things that we were learning to do some 24 years ago, which just shows that true inculcation cannot be deviated from no matter how grand you might become in the meantime.

Here we go then:

Yes. I am afraid that I did climb the cage that protected the wine cellar in a thong, wearing handcuffs - but HEY that's what you do with REAL friends.

Now, I could go on and recount the boat trip on Sunday or the curry on Sunday evening, or the actual walk on my actual birthday on Monday - but I just can't be bothered. It has taken a long time I know, but I have bored myself so BYE BYE BIRTHDAY for another year, and here's to 39!!!!!!! (Paul will be 51 and not worth inviting anymore).

Birthday weekend part 2

So here we are on Saturday morning, sitting on Dartmoor at Grimspound an ancient Bronze age settlement. We believe that this ancient relic was an early hot tub - or perhaps jacuzzi - used primarily for staving off aches and pains having done a bit of wolf hunting and bronze implement making.

Here we are on Hookney Tor. Dartmoor is famous for its granite tors.


Did you know that while our digital world is becoming incresingly aggregated, these granite microcosms are suffering from disaggregation! And I didn't learn that on my geography field trip to Slapton 20 years ago!

Now, believe it or not, I am a fairly seasoned Dartmoor visitor, and so feel qualified to advise that the people in these photographs are not quite adequately equipped for venturing on to the high moor. If you are going to try this, please bring a GPS (Martin of course has one), a packed lunch, and a blanket to sit on. To ensure that we didn't put ourselves in undue risk we also had an Audi A4 at the bottom of the hill - just to be really safe.


I LOVE this photo - except if you look really closely, you can see evidence of my mouth not having completely deswelled since the incident reported several weekends ago. By the way, those laughter lines on my forehead, I didn't have any until I began teaching.

So... after all our healthy exploits, we returned home to prepare for the arrival of the rest of the gang who were staying at the Hotel Barcelona. More to follow...

My birthday weekend

It was my birthday this weekend and many lovely friends came to Devon to share it, including Paul who also had his birthday. He was 5o!!!!!

Here's what happened:

First, Marty cut the grass.












Then Helen and Mick turned up in their posh car, bearing salad.

Helen was my bridesmaid. A long long time ago.












Paul and Laura, Helen and Mick arrived in the evening with plenty of real champagne. Then, following real champagne, we had some Jamie Oliver Kinda Spag Bol.

Dr Joolz, MaryPlain, please note the gadgets including Kenwood Mini chopper used to whiz up sun-dried tomatoes (no tomatoe puree for us), Russell Hobbs coffee bean grinder, Vev Vigano Espresso maker, Le Creuset Casserole (not a gadget - but I like it), and of course... the Smeg dual oven thing. All pur-chased by the ultimate consumer himself. Note also the bare plaster and fat splashes for we cannot afford to decorate as well as buy gadgets.


Here we are enjoying aforesaid Spag Bol and olive bread.

Please particularly note the olive bread made breadmaker - which is not a white elephant in our house.

Please also note hint of bare plaster (far left)where wall fell down when the ultimate consumer tried to self-install the ultimate cooking machine





And here is Paul. He is fifty.


After that, I am afraid that the evening became silly - and only 7 of us had gathered, for this was merely Friday evening, and the best was yet to come.


We finished the evening by mediating our lived experiences and contributing to the creation of our meworlds (and usworlds I think Thomas De Z.)










Can you guess which of the above
a) used to work on HMS blah blah blah?
b) is frequently stopped by customs officials?
c) is of Welsh stock?

Anyway. That is the end of Friday. Saturday will follow soon.

Goldwasser

After several days of being very busy I am back in blogging business BUT I am going to have to be a little nostalgic for last Thursday before I tackle topics more current.

The morning after...




If like me you are aware of the ageing process, one thing you may definitely have noticed is a lesser ability to cope with the ravages of a good night out. This is how it is for me nowadays:
1. Drink too much (wine usually)
2. Forget to drink two pints of water, a cup of peppermint tea, and take an alkaseltzer (for ALL your needs)
3. Fall asleep without removing makeup
4. Wake up at 3.00am panicking that I am dehydrated and with face stuck to pillow
5. Peel face from pillow and drink 4 glasses of tap water from the bathroom
6. Wake up at 4.00am for the loo
7. Wake up at 5.00am with feelings of paranoia
8. Drink 4 more glasses of tap water
9. Wake up at 5.45am for the loo etc.
All in all so hellish that one wonders why one does it (every time)

BUT HELP IS AT HAND

Don't drink nasty old wine anymore... drink Goldwasser - a vodka from Poland with pieces of pure gold floating in it. It tastes medicinal to begin with (like listerine) and even after 5 and a glass of champagne - leaves you feeling marvellous!!!!

Go on... try it and feedback here please.